


The Clan Part 1: Lost (Monsta X / Reader)

by Doublea01



Category: Fandom - Fandom, K-pop, Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Angst, Depression, F/M, Fanfiction, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Possible Character Death, Reader-Insert, Reader-Interactive, References to Depression, Self-Harm, Temporary Character Death, monsta x - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-05
Updated: 2018-07-14
Packaged: 2018-09-06 15:06:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 42,162
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8757436
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Doublea01/pseuds/Doublea01
Summary: Your town had been peaceful growing up. You had everything you could ever wish to have: a roof over your head and two parents who loved you. Before you knew what happened your parents had both died. Then, to make things even worse, the military came in and took control of your town, forcing people out of homes and causing pain wherever they went. It wasn't long until you were forced into the streets as well.You were lucky enough to have someone find you and save you when you were on the brink of death: a boy who went by the name of Minhyuk. Over time, you fit right into his group of close friends and it seemed like your life was finally getting back on track once more. However, nice things never seem to last with your luck and secrets start to tear your group of close friends apart...





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So if any of you opened this story then I'm assuming you are familiar with the Kpop group known as Monsta X (*insert fangirl attack here*). They are my all-time favorite Kpop group. (My bias group.)
> 
> As many of you may know, Monsta X has released their album 'The Clan Part 1: Lost' earlier this year and have recently made a comeback with part 2 called 'Guilty' WHICH IS SERIOUSLY SO GOOD I MIGHT ACTUALLY DIE FROM FANGIRLING.
> 
> Anyways, I suggest watching their video, 'All In', before reading so you get an idea of the characters/people in this story. When I first watched it, I was confused about the basic plot of the video and what it meant. I have finally figured out what was going on so this story will hopefully shed some light for the confused souls.
> 
> Also, because this story is based off of the Monsta X music video 'All In', I give all the credit for the main plot to the people who created it for Monsta X and to the members of the group. Therefore, I do not claim any of this story's plot besides the parts that were changed due to the addition of the OC or reader.
> 
> For those of you who aren't quite familiar with character x readers:
> 
> (Y/N) = your name  
> (H/C) = hair color  
> (E/C)= eye color  
> (H/L)= hair length
> 
> If I miss anything, I'll add it in.
> 
> Other than that, please enjoy the story! I'm not really sure how many people on here are familiar with Kpop, but I think it's safe to assume you are if you're reading this.
> 
> Thank you!
> 
> Monsta X ages (in this story):  
> Kihyun- 21  
> Minhyuk- 21  
> Hyungwon- 20  
> Shownu- 22  
> I.M.- 18  
> Jooheon- 20  
> Wonho- 21  
> Reader- 18
> 
> In the first part, the reader is 16 while Minhyuk is 19.

There was only one word to describe your life as of right now: hell.

But it was strange. You never thought of hell as being so cold and numb. And you figured that after you died, you would have to suffer eternal pain. _After all, the poor didn't deserve to be anywhere else_ , you thought bitterly to yourself even though you were just barely conscious. _And I have nothing... not even a warm place to sleep._

It was indeed cold outside, as it was just beginning to start the cold months of winter. It was a terrible time to have your home raided and get thrown out for not being able to pay the fees in order to stay. Just one night ago you would have at least been able to use a blanket to fend off the nipping air. But the soldiers had seen to it that you would be left with nothing.

Anger swelled in your chest as you think about what those awful men have done with your once peaceful village. They have raided through not even a month beforehand, separating the poor from the rich and creating despotism. Innocent families were thrown into the streets. Orphaned children like yourself who had been living alone in the homes they grew up in were forced to leave. A majority of those people and kids died from their lack of protection against harsh weather, leaving only a few left who were able to fend for themselves in the streets. How you managed to stay as long as you did in your original home was a miracle, but it was inevitable that you would be thrown out as well.

Your body continuously shivered despite the blood boiling from the fury inside you. You let out a weak cough before pulling your numb legs to your chest in a feeble attempt to generate heat. Before long, snow began slowly falling around you.

You felt as if you wanted to cry. Usually at this time of year, you would have welcomed the snow, watching it fall and examining its beauty. Never had you once thought of the dangers that it could bring with it. Never had you once thought of the people who couldn't afford a shelter to stay in, to keep warm. And never had you even once thought that maybe you could someday be one of them. Until now.

You raised your trembling hands to your mouth and attempted to breathe a tiny bit of warmth onto your fingers, which were now turning white. The heat lasted for not even a second, disappearing as your skin met again with the icy atmosphere. All that you managed to accomplish was nothing except a puff of steam rising into the air. You knew for a fact that you would never be able to survive the night. You knew you would be dead by morning.

Silently, you hugged your legs tighter against your stomach and rested your forehead on your knees. Tears began to swell in your eyes, stinging as they slid down your cheeks, raw and red due to the cold.

Your body losing heat by the second and your mind slipping in and out of consciousness, you hadn't noticed yourself falling hard onto your side. You hadn't noticed the scrape on your face, now dripping with fresh blood that was freezing onto the gravel of the street. You hadn't even felt the pain.

You had given up.

Now you just waited. Waited for death to take you as far away from this horrible place as possible. If any luck, the soldiers will find your frozen corpse by the next morning and get rid of it before anyone else sees it. One more won't matter to them.

"Whoa. Is she dead?"

Your eyes cracked open just enough to see someone crouched down in front of you, but your brain was still too hazy to identify who it was. You moved your fingers just enough to let whomever was there know that you were, in fact, alive. Your could hear the person let out a small gasp before you felt yourself being pulled carefully upright so that you were sitting on your knees. If you weren't so weak, you would have probably been surprised at the person's reaction: staying instead of leaving in disgust.

"Why are you out here all by yourself?" The kind voice softly returned, obviously male. You assumed that he was mainly talking to himself since you were unable to answer his question in your condition. You stirred, lifting your head slightly to get a good look at the stranger. But no matter how much you concentrated, your vision kept blurring in and out of focus, causing his image to remain fuzzy.

"Cold..." you managed to cough out between your swollen lips.

And you toppled forward losing consciousness, the last thing that you remembered were the arms that caught you before your face connected with the cement for the second time.

***

"Hey just hold on... you'll be okay. All you need to do is wake up and you'll be okay." The voice you recognized from earlier cut through the darkness in your head, waking you up little by little. "Come on... come on..."

The words started registering in your brain and you attempted to open your eyes. The light hit your vision right away and immediately blinded you. You groaned, feeling your voice vibrating within your sore throat.

The person gasped at your unexpected response. "You're awake! Can you move?"

You concentrated on forcing your fingers to move, painfully flexing them until the numbness faded away. Then you tried shifting your throbbing arms, stretching until all the aching subsided. When you tried to get up, the person carefully helped until you were able to sit firmly without falling over.

By the time you were awake completely, your vision had already adjusted to the light that first blinded you. You looked around with tired eyes until they found the mysterious person who had helped you. He was a boy around your age of 16, maybe a few years older, with messy light blonde hair and dark brown eyes. When he saw you looking at him, he smiled wide. "Glad you're up. When I found you, you were almost dead."

You could tell that he had a friendly personality. That much was obvious from the way he cared for you, even though you were a complete stranger. But after everything that had happened to you in the past few days, you couldn't help except eye him warily.

That didn't stop him from trying to strike up a conversation to keep the mood light. "I know you're still feeling kind of sick, but I just wanted to let you know that you're safe. It must feel a little freaky to wake up in a random place like you did. I'm sorry. I couldn't let you freeze to death." His fast chatter was quickly replaced by confusion. "It's strange that you were outside like that. I usually see lots of adults out on the streets because they aren't able to get jobs to pay for shelter. But I've never seen a teenage girl on the streets before."

He studied you thoughtfully. "Why were you alone out there? Did you get lost on your way home or something?" Then he stopped talking, leaving the room in an uncomfortable silence as he continued to watch you while you stared straight ahead.

After a few moments, the boy let out a sigh and rose from his spot across from you. "Listen, I'm just going to go grab you a blanket. It'll only take a moment-"

You cleared your throat and rasped out, "Or something."

His movements froze and he turned, blinking at you with his brows knit together in confusion. "What do you mean? Don't you live with your parents?" You lowered your head in a poor attempt to hide the pain that flashed across your face. The boy noticed and remained silent, racking his brain to find the right words to say next. "Well... if you don't have anywhere else to go... you could stay here?"

Your head shot up and you looked at him in surprise. "I hardly even know you."

He let out an awkward laugh as he rubbed the back of his neck. "Yeah, I guess I'd better tell you a little more about me." Then he sat down across from you once more. "My name is Minhyuk." He held out his hand and you hesitantly took it before giving it a small shake. "I've been living here for some time, but my father is away for his job so he's not here. He sends me money so I can keep up with rent and buy food and stuff. Now tell me a little about you."

You looked down, trying to think of what to say. "My name is (Y/N). I used to live with my parents, but they're both gone now. I was living in my home afterwards, but I had to leave. That's why I was on the street."

You glanced over at Minhyuk to see his reaction. His welcoming smile was replaced with a small frown as he nodded his head to show he understood. Then he stood up. "Like I said: you can stay here if you want. It's not much, but it's better than suffering out in the cold. Speaking of which, I'm going to go and grab you that blanket. We don't want another near-death experience on our hands."

He made his way across the room, your eyes following as he did so. When he got to the door however, he stopped suddenly and spun around. "Why did you have to leave your home?" His voice sounded somber, unlike before, and his brown eyes bored straight into your own.

Silence immediately followed the question, proving that he had just asked about something serious. Images of the armed men flashed in your head, causing you to visibly flinch.

"I was... forced to leave," came your vague reply.

For a moment, his expression hardened into something that you couldn't quite read, but as fast as it came, it almost immediately changed back into his normal happy smile. "I see. Well, I'm glad to have met you (Y/N)." And he left, his footsteps echoing throughout the small house.


	2. Chapter 2

"Jooheon! You jerk!"

The young man just responded with a laugh, kicking the ball away from you just barely out of your reach. You sent him a deadly glare. An amused smirk was obvious on his lips, failing to hide it behind the brim of the dusty blue hat sitting on his short, dark brown hair. It passed directly to Shownu, another young man who was just a few years older than you, with ease and he caught it with his foot. He was undoubtedly the eldest in your closely knit circle of friends, with his superior physique and natural leadership skills which surpassed even the members of your clique who weren't currently present.

"Hey mister!" The young boy who owned the handmade ball called. "May I have it back?" Shownu grinned and dribbled it a few times without it falling before skillfully bouncing it back to the young boy, who now gawked at him in awe.

When he turned back around, you stuck your tongue out at him, causing him to let out a small chuckle. "Show off," you muttered.

He modestly shrugged his broad shoulders, still smiling, and waved for your group to continue. "We need to hurry if we're going to meet the others on time."

You took a step forward, but was stopped by a hand that had reached out to ruffle your (H/C) hair in a teasing manner. You quickly tried to duck out of reach while turning to swat the hand away, causing you to stumble over a large crevice in the road. Loud laughter was heard and you spun around to see who it was, even though you already knew: a tall boy about two years or so older than you with messy black hair and bangs that fell over his dark brown eyes. Compared to the other two guys, he was leaner instead of muscular, but you knew that he was completely capable of being strong if he ever wanted to.

"Shut up Hyungwon!" You huffed before swiveling your head to scowl at Jooheon for trying to mess up your hair. He was already in front of you, however, attempting to catch up with Shownu, who had left you all behind. Rolling your eyes, you and Hyungwon followed suit, jogging up behind them.

It was bright outside since it was mid afternoon, and the sun shone down, gently warming your skin. Your small group of four traveled down the sloping, imperfect, cracked streets of the small village, stopping every few houses or so to greet the people spending time outside. Many of the residents were always kind, despite appearing the same as your group of friends, dressing in somewhat ragged looking clothes that were worn mainly for comfort instead of luxury.

Your mind subconsciously drifted back to when the people residing here were able to live in prosperity. Or at least your version of prosperity. Many people had different opinions on the meaning of it, but in the past the buildings used to be clean and well-kept, completely unlike they are now. Ever since the military took over, the houses around you began to lose their comfort, windows broken and rubble everywhere, new houses built densely packed in order to keep better control. Your village rested on a hillside, so houses now were also built based on elevated hierarchy, leaving people without enough to cram into the settlements at the bottom.

Your brain had traveled to various other subjects as well, but one nagging thought kept bothering you. You stole a glance at the boys who were walking alongside you. "So where did you guys run off to yesterday?" Jooheon's head swiveled to look at you for a moment, reading your face to predict what you were trying to ask. When he realized he was right, he gestured to Shownu, shaking his head slightly in a vain attempt to keep you from asking your next question.

"(Y/N)..." he warned in a low whisper. "Don't-"

He should've known it wouldn't work. You pressed on, completely ignoring him. "You guys didn't do that weird stuff again with-"

"(Y/N), you shouldn't ask questions about things you don't know anything about," Shownu cut you off curtly, barely looking in your direction. The silence that followed was horrible, only the sound of stones crackling under your shoes could be heard. Your (E/C) eyes, filled with hurt at being brushed off so easily, scanned over the faces of Hyungwon and Jooheon, but they avoided your sharp gaze, instead uncomfortably keeping their eyes cast down at the ground. None of them had offered any answers to your question.

You scowled in annoyance. This happened every time you tried inquiring about it. Sometimes you would attempt a more subtle approach, instead of directly asking as you did just moments ago. But no matter how subtle or blunt, your efforts always resulted in the same thing: your friends closing down and shutting you out. You wouldn't dare to admit it out loud, but it hurt you knowing that they don't trust you enough to share it with you. It started a few months ago and they had just left you in the dark ever since.

Pushing your feelings aside, the four of you climbed over a large pile of smashed bricks formed from the collapse of a nearby house. On the other side, you descended stone stairs webbed with endless cracks, reaching another street dotted with a small number of merchants who were desperately hoping to sell their products. They waved items like food, clothes, and other miscellaneous objects in the air to catch the attention of any possible customer passing by.

Once at the base of the steps, Shownu paused and turned to your group. "I think they said to meet them underneath the stone bridge." He peered down the road, pointing in the direction of your final destination which was somewhere to your left. "Kihyun said that we just need to follow the-"

A commotion of sound suddenly came from a nearby merchant kiosk, causing the four of you to spin around in alarm. Two elders close by selling shoes were being accosted by a group of men in black uniforms. You couldn't hear what they were saying, but you could determine it wasn't going to end well due to the worried expressions on the merchants' faces and the menacing expressions on the soldiers'. Your eyes narrowed in distaste when you noticed that the men were armed with guns that were currently being wielded in a threatening way.

One look at Jooheon's red face told you that he was clearly angry at the scene transpiring in front of him, but before you could stop him, he strode towards the soldiers with his head held high. Shownu and Hyungwon pushed past you as well, following Jooheon's lead and forcing you to trail after them in hopes that they don't get the four of you into trouble. You might not have agreed with what was going on, but you didn't think it would have done anyone any good for you all to get locked up or killed.

When Jooheon reached the men, he stepped between them to draw their attention. "Whoa, whoa, whoa guys." He held an amused smirk on his face despite the cold glint that was obvious in his eyes. "Correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't think that buying shoes usually requires this many guns."

The soldier in the front of the posse sneered at his lack of respect. "Get out of here. This doesn't concern you."

Shownu slipped through, pointing his fingers at one man to imitate a gun and harshly shouldering his way to the old merchants. He spoke in a quiet voice to them, so you couldn't hear what he said, but you assumed he was asking them if they were alright. From the relieved expressions on their faces, you could tell that they were grateful that your small group showed up when you did. Shownu nodded after he heard their quick reply and sat down next to them while glaring at the soldiers, almost daring them to force him to move. Hyungwon, who wove his way next to the merchants' sides as well, said and did nothing except sit on the kiosk table to show that he was also defending them.

Smartly ignoring Shownu and Hyungwon, the soldiers instead turned their attention back to Jooheon. The one in front, the leader you assumed, growled threateningly, "Either you stay out of this or we'll have to-"

Jooheon snorted in contempt and looked the man up to down in a judging way. "Do what? Shoot us? I don't know about you, but I don't think it would look very impressive if you take innocent people's lives." The man's jaw tightened, proving that the rebel in front of him was right. Realizing that he hit a nerve, Jooheon boldly grabbed the barrel of the leader's gun and pressed it to his own forehead. "Do it," he challenged with a smirk. "I won't stop you. Prove that you're so  _above_  everyone else." He spat out the word 'above' like it was the worst thing in the world.

The soldiers behind the leader shifted uncomfortably, waiting to see his reaction before making a move themselves. However, if the man had been affected by Jooheon's words anymore than he already had, he did a good job of not showing it as the two continued to glare at each other.

Finally, he wrenched the gun out of Jooheon's grasp and gestured with his head for his men to leave. He gave Jooheon a menacing scowl. "Don't think I won't report this," he snarled and started leading his small troop away. The whole time, you had been standing at the outskirts of the scene, watching in silence and praying that nothing serious would happen. The leader finally noticed you as he turned, causing him to stop and quickly study you before continuing to shove past, almost as if he didn't even want to bother with acknowledging your presence in case you would challenge him as well.

When they weren't looking, Hyungwon jumped down from the table holding something in his hand. Your eyes widened, recognizing it immediately. Without a word, he strode confidently forward to block the path of a single soldier trailing at the back of the group. Your breathing hitched when the man visibly tightened the grip on his gun in defense, but Hyungwon just smiled and carefully placed the flower inside one of the pockets of the man's black uniform jacket. Looking from the flower to Hyungwon's face in confusion, the soldier uncertainly turned to follow his superiors, who were already far ahead.

Everyone's gaze stayed on the men until nothing could be seen of them except the dust lingering in the air after being kicked up by their boots. Finally, you let out the long breath that you had been holding in without realizing. You thought that they were for sure going to shoot, but a part of you was amused that someone like Jooheon could shake the confidence of a man of the military. Shownu slowly rose from his spot next to the table and spoke softly to the merchants. They grabbed his hand and shook it vigorously, thanking him for his and his friends' help.

You curiously scanned all of the boys' faces to try and read what they were thinking after the fiasco that just occurred. Shownu was completely unreadable despite the small smile he showed the merchants. Jooheon's brown eyes were still blazing with fury. But Hyungwon had a worried expression on his face, like he was afraid of something. It surprised you to think that he had been rattled by what had happened, but you decided it would be best to keep quiet.

Shownu squeezed your shoulder, jerking you out of your thoughts. He gave you a small nod and turned to the road, gesturing for you all to follow. You continued down the busy gravel street once again, but this time nobody spoke, creating yet another awkward atmosphere between the four of you.

The sounds of people milling about resonated in your ears as you passed by, moving faster than usual in order to make up for lost time. Getting closer and closer to your destination, you realized that the sun wasn't shining as bright as it was earlier. When you looked up, you saw dense clouds blocking it out and a few sparse raindrops splattered against your skin. Barely a few steps later and it started coming down in cold torrents, plastering your clothes to your body and sticking your hair to your face. The ground became slick as well, but even though the road ahead was hard, the four of you never once slowed pace.


	3. Chapter 3

"There you guys are! I thought you'd bail on us!" A friendly voice laughed from far off.

The rain had stopped as soon as it had started, leaving behind large brown puddles and thick mud for you to continuously slip on as you finished making your way over to the owner of the voice. Jooheon even had to catch you once or twice, chuckling at your lack of gracefulness.

The person who had called to you, Kihyun, waved as your group approached, walking along the brick walls that had slowly been built up over time in order to keep strangers in the streets from approaching the settlements beyond. The closer you got to your destination, the farther you got from the grimy slums and the violence that came with it. Kihyun gave the four of you a warm smile and a tender hug in greeting.

"The others are waiting," he explained, jerking his head in the direction he had come from before immediately starting the walk back. The rest of you followed along, casually chatting amongst yourselves. Well... more like the boys talked while you trailed along behind them, being alienated either unintentionally or on purpose. You tried not to let it bother you, but you were certain the reason was because you tried to get them to open up about the sensitive topic from earlier. They were just ignoring you as punishment.

You could see the bridge clearly now: it was high and made of stone with dull color that was fading, overhanging the street and connecting the gravel roadways from either side on top. Underneath, there was an accumulation of old, unused furniture abandoned by previous owners including an assortment of grungy chairs, rusted metal bins, and wooden crates. From far away, you could see three young men sitting atop the furniture, deep in conversation. When they noticed your group coming along the path, they rose from their spots, waving and smiling.

"We started to get worried," you heard your friend say from in front of you as he waved back towards where the remaining boys were impatiently waiting. "Especially Minhyuk. He hasn't seen (Y/N) since this morning when he sent her to tag along with you guys, but I knew that you all would show up eventually."

You saw Shownu give a small nod in reply, "Thanks for waiting, Kihyun. We had something we needed to do first which is why we got held up."

Kihyun's head tilted slightly and his brows furrowed in confusion. "I don't mean to pry, but what exactly did you need to do?" He glanced in your direction as if he was restraining from adding, _I thought we agreed not to run any of those errands with her around._

Shownu let out a sigh, mentally recalling the incident. "There were some old merchants being harassed by a group of military men so we stepped in and helped."

Kihyun froze. "Helped _how_?" He pressed with obvious concern lacing its way into his voice, his eyes flicking to you again for the smallest second. Shownu glanced over at you as well. You quickly averted your eyes, pretending to study the wall next to you as if you had been examining its dusty bricks the whole time. Noticing what Kihyun was subtlety hinting at, Shownu opened his mouth to respond, but was interrupted by approaching shouts.

By now, the five of you had reached the bridge, Jooheon obnoxiously calling names that ricocheted off the stone and running to meet up with the three other boys. Jooheon and a boy with blonde hair named Wonho collided in a hug and started jumping up and down goofily, almost knocking over an old broken television that was resting on top of a crate in the process. It was hard to imagine that he was the same guy who had challenged a military official not even an hour ago. He reminded you more of a little kid. Another friend with lighter brown hair named Changkyun had pulled you into a hug before getting yanked away by Jooheon, who was still acting insane, and Wonho shot you a wink over Hyungwon's shoulder even though he hadn't greeted you yet.

Out of the corner of your eye you saw Shownu and Kihyun, who were standing to the side next to a couple of crates, talking in serious tones. You happened to catch a few words of what they were saying, despite them trying to talk quietly and your other friends talking loudly. Your smile faded as you quickly realized they were discussing the confrontation with the soldiers earlier. _Why do they look so worried_? Then you managed to hear your name being said amongst the whispering and grew curious. _It isn't because of me is it_? Slowly, you made your way towards them, trying to be as nonchalant as possible in an attempt to avoid being caught eavesdropping.

"... You have to be more careful."

"It was Jooheon who jumped in," Shownu protested. "Hyungwon and I had to make sure he didn't do anything stupid."

"My point is you didn't think of the consequences," Kihyun sighed. "And you could've stopped Jooheon from barging in like that. You're strong enough to hold him back."

"At least they left," Shownu muttered under his breath.

"Anyways, this isn't about Jooheon. This is about Hyungwon and (Y/N)." Shownu visibly flinched upon being reminded, but Kihyun continued without notice like a mother scolding her kid. "If Hyungwon's father finds out that he was involved in a conflict like that, God only knows what he'll do to punish him-"

"His father can go to hell for all I care," Shownu snapped, immediately angry at the mere mention of the notorious man. He clearly must've done something to cause Shownu to be mad at him, but you had no idea what it was since Shownu has never been completely open about his personal problems. Also, you had never met Hyungwon's father so you didn't know what he was like. Hyungwon had never even mentioned him to you directly so you had assumed Hyungwon was orphaned like the rest of your gang until Minhyuk explained otherwise.

Anyone else would have stopped talking after seeing Shownu this upset, but Kihyun pressed on in an attempt to finish getting his point across.

"-and you know that Minhyuk will be furious when he finds out you dragged (Y/N) into the situation as well."

"Hardly anything happened between her and the soldiers, so Minhyuk should just-"

"I should just what?" The two arguing boys jumped in alarm as a loud voice interrupted from behind you. When they looked over, they finally saw you standing nearby, watching them. Just as the realization that you had heard everything dawned on them, you spun around with a wide grin on your face, immediately recognizing the voice who had spoken.

"Minhyuk!" You threw your arms around the familiar boy in both genuine happiness and to distract him from the conversation you both had unfortunately overheard. Even though all of the boys here were extremely close friends, practically family, it was not a secret that Minhyuk was somewhat protective of your safety. Ever since he had saved your life a few years ago, he had made it his responsibility to care for you and make sure you would never be in a situation like the one he had found you in twice.

Of course, he introduced you not long after the incident to his group of six other closely knit friends and they immediately accepted you, promising to protect you during the difficult time that had occurred. You knew for a fact that you could trust them with your life and that they would do anything to help each other.

The oath made sure of it.

Minhyuk gave you a tight squeeze before pulling away to face Shownu and Kihyun, his brown eyes partly curious and partly concerned. "What's going on? What about me?"

Shownu avoided his gaze, looking at the ground and Kihyun let out an exasperated sigh. You shot him a warning glare from behind Minhyuk's head to try and keep him from telling Minhyuk about what had happened, but Kihyun ignored you and said, "Shownu, Jooheon, Hyungwon, and (Y/N) got into a... disagreement with some military jerks on their way here."

" _What_?" You inwardly groaned. Minhyuk whipped around instantly and grabbed your shoulder. "Are you okay? Did you get hurt?" You mentally cursed Kihyun, prying off Minhyuk's death grip and leaning away as he stuck his face close to yours to search for any sign of injury. "I'm _fine_ ," you insisted, pulling out of his reach.

"Minhyuk, leave her alone," Jooheon spoke from behind you. "Nothing happened to her because she didn't even do anything, it was only us who got involved."

Minhyuk's expression quickly contorted into a mixture of relief and anger. He whirled around while speaking, his voice taking on a dangerous edge which was definitely new to your ears since he was constantly a positive person. "They still could have killed her! They could have killed _all_ of you! And she might not have done anything to provoke them, but they'd have still punished her just for being seen with you!"

"I already said that they left!" Shownu jumped in defensively.

"Yes, but at what cost?" Minhyuk's voice grew gradually louder, drawing the attention of the rest of the boys who were still mingling.

Kihyun cleared his throat, nodding slowly in agreement. "That is true... and you didn't exactly specify what the leader said to you before he lead his troops away. Just the fact that you won't say tells us it wasn't good."

By now, everyone's eyes were focused on the escalating conversation, watching without a word. After Kihyun's last statement, Shownu looked away, creating a cold silence that only proved Kihyun was right.

Wonho stepped forward, flicking his blonde bangs out of his brown eyes that were filled with worry. "What did the soldier say?"

Shownu’s uncomfortable gaze panned over the faces that were impatiently waiting for his answer. His eyes lingered a moment longer on yours before looking back at Kihyun.

"He said that he was going to report us."

Immediately, several sighs of relief were let out. Changkyun started laughing. "That's all? I thought you were going to say he threatened to hunt us down or something."

"That's not what I'm worried about," Shownu cut him off with a stern look. "I'm worried because of what Hyungwon gave one of the soldiers."

Everyone was quiet once again as all the faces turned to look at the lanky boy who had been lingering in the shadows, trying unsuccessfully to go unnoticed. If he realized he was being stared at, he didn't acknowledge it. Instead, he kept his head lowered, using his bangs to create a temporary shield over his eyes.

Kihyun's face paled. "What did you give them? You didn't..." he trailed off, not wanting to finish his sentence in case Hyungwon confirmed what he was asking.

Hyungwon muttered something barely audible, still staring at the ground. He fiddled with his fingers uncomfortably, revealing how nervous he was feeling.

"What did you say? You have to speak loud enough for us to hear you," Minhyuk approached him calmly and resting his hand on his shoulder. Hyungwon slowly raised his head, avoiding Minhyuk's gaze and started walking towards one of the crates next to the wall. He plopped down and continued staring at his hands. After a few moments of painful silence, he cleared his throat and spoke up loud enough for everyone to hear.

"I gave them one of the flowers."

His words were met with a chorus of groans. Changkyun flopped onto a crate opposite from where Shownu was standing against the brick wall in silence and Kihyun was seated on a rusted metal chair, his head in his hands. Wonho shook his head and sat down next to Changkyun, shooting Hyungwon a look of sympathy.

Minhyuk remained where he was standing, but kept his gaze on his sulking friend as he took a deep breath to calm himself down. It was obvious that Hyungwon already felt terrible for pulling such a dangerous stunt. Even though the blue flower has been used by your group for a long time, the military had recently started recognizing it as a symbol of rebellion which meant that not only would they report your group for challenging their authority, but they would probably view your actions as a serious offense.

They might actually try to punish you.

"Hyungwon," Shownu broke the silence first, pushing himself from the wall and walking to Hyungwon's side. Hyungwon didn't acknowledge him, instead focusing his eyes on his hands which were still fidgeting. Shownu sighed and sat down next to him, placing his hand on Hyungwon's shoulder when he flinched, reassuring him that he wasn't upset. "None of us are going to be mad at you about this." He quickly shot everyone a look, which earned some mumbles of agreement before continuing. "Just don't do it again. It's not the soldiers that we're worried about; it's your father's reaction when he hears about what you did. You _know_ that someone is going to tell him."

"Tell me what?" A deep voice boomed from down the street. Everyone froze except for Jooheon who jumped up from where he was sitting on top of a large, rusting metal safe and glared in the direction of the voice. Hyungwon's eyes widened even though he remained sitting. Your blood ran cold and you looked up to see four older men in black approaching. Shownu and Wonho shot up from their spots at the same time, a look of intense distaste clear on both their faces.

The man at the front of the group held a terrifying expression of anger on his face as he marched towards the eight of you, leading the other three men who kept their faces emotionless, but stern. You noticed that the three who were following were dressed in dark uniform-like clothes, but they didn't have any visible guns, instead carrying books with symbols on the covers. The man in front, the one who had shouted you guessed, was clad in black also, but as he drew closer, you noticed that he held a thick book with a large white cross printed on the cover. _He must be a doctor_ , you thought inwardly. _We don't have many doctors here. Are the rest of them doctors too_? If you hadn't been so terrified, you would have probably said it out loud, but fear kept you quiet. Then your eyes widened in realization. _Is this Hyungwon's father_?

Your suspicions were confirmed when the man stopped before reaching your group, scowling in Hyungwon's direction. "Tell me _what_? Tell me how you got in trouble with my soldiers _again_?" You blinked in surprise, your fear ebbing away just the slightest bit. _His_ soldiers?

Shownu boldly took a step forward, narrowing his eyes. "What do you want?" He demanded, his voice cold.

Hyungwon's father disregarded him with disgust. "Sit down," the man snarled at him, completely unintimidated. "This is of no concern to you, boy. Best keep your nose where it belongs."

Shownu opened his mouth to say something else, probably something disrespectful, but he quickly closed his mouth when he saw one of the men shift enough to reveal a holster with a pistol attached to a belt. Shooting them an acid glare, Shownu reluctantly retreated to his spot by the wall and sat down with a huff.

Once Shownu was under control, the man turned to glower at Hyungwon again. "When you disrespect those men, you disrespect _me_. And having a rebellious son like you gives me a bad reputation as well. Now I don't know what you think you were doing, but I will not tolerate anything of the sort. Do I make myself clear?"

The whole time his father was talking, Hyungwon avoided any eye contact, instead continuing his examination of the gravel beneath his large, scruffy combat boots. Hyungwon's fingers were nervously fidgeting even more now, but no matter how terrified he was on the inside, you knew he wouldn't show his father that he was scared by him.

It didn't take long for Hyungwon's father to realize his son was oblivious to his words, making it seem like he was practically talking to air.

"Answer me, Chae Hyungwon!" He growled, marching to stand in front of him and glowering down at his sitting figure. " _Do I make myself clear_? You had no right to treat your superiors that way! I promise you, there will be consequences for your poor choice of actions."

Satisfied that he got his point across, Hyungwon's father turned to leave. Before he reached the other men, however, a quiet but clear voice stopped him in his tracks.

"You're wrong."

He whirled back around and looked at Hyungwon with a mixture of shock and outrage. "Excuse me?" He drawled out dangerously, his tone of voice daring Hyungwon to contradict him. The atmosphere was so thick with tension that no one dared to speak, instead watching the exchange with wide eyes.

Hyungwon finally returned his father's fiery glare with an angry stare of his own that was possibly even more intense. He took a deep breath and continued, refusing to back down from the challenge he had brought upon himself. "I said that you're _wrong_. I had every right to treat those military prats the way that I did. It was only fair since they were harassing-"

"Don't act as if they're the ones who are guilty!" His father's face was beginning to turn red from fury. "They were doing their job!"

Hyungwon voice gained volume with each word, as he spoke in defense of the merchants. "Like you know anything about doing a job correctly? That's just hypocritical. They were bullying innocent people-"

"Who obviously weren't innocent and only received what they deserved-"

Hyungwon jumped up from his spot, outraged, and you could hear the power in every word that he threw at his opponent. "You're just conceited enough to think that everyone else is below you, which makes you no different from the rest of them-"

" _Enough_!" Hyungwon's father stepped forward and raised his arm above his son's face. You gasped and covered your mouth as the loud sound of a hand hitting flesh was heard ricocheting off the stone walls. Hyungwon's face instantly whipped to the side from the force, a red mark clearly visible across his right cheek. You glance over at Minhyuk for a split second to witness his reaction. His face had tightened into an expression that sent shivers down your spine. When your eyes returned to the scene in front of you, Hyungwon's head was lowered at the ground and his father was saying something close to his ear, his voice dark.

"I will have no more ill words come out of your pathetic mouth," he hissed through clenched teeth. "There _will_ be consequences for your actions and your lack of respect towards your superiors."

All of your fear had completely dissipated, now replaced by disgust. Before you knew what you were doing, you strode forward, quivering in anger. "How could you?" You demanded, your blood boiling in rage. Everyone's attention turned to you and a few of the boys let out a gasp of surprise at your sudden outburst. Minhyuk reached over to snatch your wrist as you stomped past, but you yanked it out of his reach. Hyungwon's father raised his eyebrows dangerously at you in warning, which caused Kihyun to leap up from his seat and protectively wrap his arms around you from behind to prevent you from going any further.

"Let me go!" You scowled. Despite your efforts to break free and give this awful man a piece of your mind, Kihyun was much stronger than you. His only response was a quick shake of his head and pulling you away before you could cause any more trouble than there already was.

"(Y/N)," he desperately cautioned you. "You'll only make it worse..."

You gave up struggling since you quickly realized it was no use and resorted to shouting at Hyungwon's father, completely ignoring Kihyun. "He's your son!" You shouted as you were being dragged back. "If that's how you treat your own kin, then Hyungwon's right! You're a selfish and cruel man!"

"I would hold my tongue if I were you," Hyungwon's father sneered back at you, not even caring if you were in earshot or not. He looked back at Hyungwon with a scowl saying, "You're nothing but a disappointment." Then he turned on his heel and strode back to his comrades while shaking his head. Everyone watched them leave with silent glares.

Kihyun held onto you until he was sure you wouldn't be able to chase the men down. Once they disappeared around a street corner, he finally released you. Pushing yourself out of his grasp, you immediately stumbled forward to Hyungwon's side. He refused to acknowledge you however, keeping his head lowered towards the ground.

"Hyungwon?" You whispered softly, rubbing his arm reassuringly. "They're gone. Are you going to be okay?"

You reached up to inspect the bruise on his cheek that was now swelling, but Hyungwon shifted, shrugging you off him and turning his head away.

"It's fine," he insisted, giving you a small smile when he saw a hurt expression pass over your facial features. "I can handle this, believe me."

You nodded at first, but stopped, widening your eyes. "You'll have to go home at some point. Is he going to be even more violent there? He said you'd have punishment-"

Hyungwon shook his head and whispered hoarsely, "No, he won't hurt me anymore. I'll probably have to just run errands for him until the day I die. Well, more than likely something worse, but he won't physically hurt me."

You wanted to believe him, but something about the way his dark brown eyes flicked down to avoid yours made you think he wasn't telling you the truth about what his father would really do.

You took a step back, casting your own eyes at the ground. "Just... promise me he won't hurt you anymore." You glanced back up at him to see his reaction.

Hyungwon hesitated before meeting your gaze. When he saw how hopeful you were, he let out a small chuckle. "I promise."

You nodded slowly, a reassured smile gracing your lips, and turned away before you could see the single tear that had slipped down his bruised face.


	4. Chapter 4

It had been two days since the incident with the soldiers and Hyungwon's father. Every time you thought of it, you felt sick to your stomach. Even though you tried not to remember the events that occurred, your mind still subconsciously drifted back to it, making it impossible for you to forget.

How the merchants had expressions of fear spread across their faces as the military assaulted them for no reason.

How Hyungwon's face became swollen and red because he stood up for what he thought was right and received punishment.

After Hyungwon made you his promise, your group of friends quickly dispersed in order to let everyone have a chance to take some time to comprehend what they had witnessed. Minhyuk had spoken to Hyungwon afterwards, offering to help in anyway he could, but Hyungwon refused, shaking his head and declaring that the only thing to do was face his father and accept the consequences. Minhyuk had no choice but to leave him with his decision, taking you home instead. The walk back was silent, but not awkward, as you were both lost in your own train of thoughts.

Thankfully, the blue flower was never mentioned during the confrontation, which meant that his father either didn't know about it, or he was waiting to bring it up. Hopefully, he was never told, but it wasn't guaranteed which was why everyone was worried.

However, several things still bothered you. What did Hyungwon's father mean by "his" soldiers? Does he have a large influence in the military? Is he associated with the government somehow? But isn't he a doctor? And what did he do to Shownu to make your friend hate him so much? Thousands of questions swam through your head non-stop, nagging you and confusing you to the point where the only thing you felt you could do was sit in silent contemplation, blocking out everything else in the world around you.

Minhyuk had tried several attempts to get you to open up, but you had just brushed him away each time. He would always leave you alone after sensing your obvious discomfort and waited a few hours or so before coming back to ask again. You knew that you were worrying him like you always seemed to do. The only time you acknowledged him was when he suggested walking around, saying that it was an activity that relieves stress and helps people think.

Taking his words to heart, you spent the next hours pacing around the small house that the two of you shared. Though it was small, the house was made up of two levels. Minhyuk stayed in the bottom level and you stayed on the top, making it seem as though you had your own separate, personal apartments.

Hoping to sort out the inner turmoil that was now giving you a headache, you focused on the things surrounding you to distract you, but there wasn't really much to focus on because of how pathetically empty the house actually was. Dust covered every wall and window, cobwebs strung up in the corners. At the moment, a small bed frame with a grungy mattress was pushed to the very edge of your room in order to give you enough space for your pacing. You and Minhyuk, like everyone else in your broken society, only owned what you needed such as things like food, blankets, and the occasional change of clothes though that didn't happen often. Clothing was extremely rare so when you did manage to find some new ones, you made sure it was something that was durable and could be worn for a long time.

Suddenly, you heard the loud sounds of floorboards creaking, signaling that Minhyuk was climbing the stairs and approaching your doorway. Your head swiveled around and a look of annoyance flashed across your features when you realized he wasn't even trying to be subtle about it. Proving your suspicions, you saw him peek into the room out of the corner of your eye. You ignored him as he stepped inside, a small smile on his face. Minhyuk's smile grew bigger when he saw you walking towards him, only to fall immediately after you turned your back to him to walk in the opposite direction. He signed in exasperation and ran a hand through his already messy blonde hair.

"(Y/N)," he groaned, rubbing the back of his neck. "You seriously need to calm down. The only way you'll get answers is by actually going outside and try to figure them out for yourself instead of staying cooped up inside and stressing about it."

You stopped dead in your tracks and shot him a look. "I would, but I'm probably going to get arrested for sticking my nose in things that technically isn't my business. You know how they are."

You could sense Minhyuk patience rapidly draining and sure enough, a painful clunk was heard as he smacked his forehead on the door frame in frustration. Even though he was always positive in order to try and keep the mood light, you always managed to find a way to under his skin. It wasn't hard since patience wasn't his forte. You raised your eyebrows and crossed your arms, unamused, and watched him rub the new red mark on his temple.

"I'm just going to cut to the chase," he started, the redness still visible even though it was already settling down. "I'm going to go to Hyungwon's house to make sure he's okay."

Your eyes immediately widened. "I want to come too!"

He shook his head. He shifted uncomfortably, repositioning himself so that he was leaning against the doorframe before answering with a simple: "No."

You opened your mouth to object, but he held up his hand to stop you. "I don't want you to get caught in the middle of anything if there's still an argument. And based on the way Hyungwon's dad was glaring at you the other day after you started shouting at him, I doubt he'll treat you kindly if he sees you."

You snorted and took a step forward to show that you were clearly upset with his decision. Especially since he didn't even let you choose for yourself. "Then what do you expect me to do? You literally just told me to go outside and do something besides walking around my room all day."

Minhyuk pushed himself away from the wood he was leaning on. "I need a favor from you."

You eyed him suspiciously as he took up your previous activity of pacing back and forth. "What is it?"

"I need you to visit Shownu at his house. He's struggling with something important and I want you to be there to comfort him." Your anger dissipated as soon as you heard those words come from his mouth. If something was wrong with Shownu, you would gladly go there to help.

"Of course I can do that," you nodded, instantly agreeing.

"...and to make sure he doesn't do anything stupid."

You froze, eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "Wait. Why-"

"Just... keep an eye on him," he raised his head so that his pleading gaze locked directly onto your own. "Please."

You slowly nodded your head in response, although you were obviously confused, not to mention concerned. What kind of trouble would Shownu even do? Outside of the scene from the other day, he has never been a violent person. You didn't think he would be brave enough to pull off anything dangerous or illegal. Still, it seemed that Minhyuk was almost desperate for you to visit to Shownu. Maybe he just wanted to keep you from following him to Hyungwon's, which was what you would've done had he not asked you for this favor. But Minhyuk was acting as if there's something more than what he was telling you.

Minhyuk's serious expression softened when you agreed, closing his eyes and letting out a sigh of relief before gesturing you to follow him as he made his way out the door and down the stairs. You hesitantly trailed behind down the creaking wooden steps, curious about why Shownu would need someone with him. The two of you entered the small, faded corridor that led directly to the front of the house and to the street.

You studied Minhyuk as he walked ahead of you, trying to decipher what he was feeling underneath. His mood was almost always hidden behind a mask of smiles and laughter, making it impossible to tell if he was ever upset about something. The only times he showed his discomfort was when it was truly serious. Right now, you couldn't see Minhyuk's face since you were walking behind him, but the fidgeting hands at his sides and his hasty walking pace practically screamed out at you, telling you all you needed to know. Whatever he was expecting to find at Hyungwon's, it wasn't good. You made a mental note to ask him about his visit later on.

Outside, the sky was completely grey, a thick blanket of clouds covering the sun enough to create a gloomy atmosphere that seemed to match perfectly with the gloomy town resting underneath it. The street that your house was located on was bare, lacking any human activity. Everyone probably wanted to stay inside on this depressing day and you silently agreed with them. Today was going to be interesting if even all the townspeople figured something big, and not necessarily good, was going to happen.

Minhyuk and you kept walking down the gravel path, your footsteps sounding like thunder clashing unpleasantly against the eerie silence. You noticed he quickened his pace and you did the same, matching yours with his in an attempt not to get left behind in his sudden rush. You knew that the two of you would have to split up soon which made you sweat nervously. You hated the idea of walking by yourself in this broken place. It hadn't always been this way, but now people might do literally anything to provide for themselves no matter how illegal or inhumane it was.

Suddenly, Minhyuk stopped, causing you to almost run into him. The two of you must have already reached the intersection where you had to part ways. You hurriedly straightened yourself before he turned around, shooting him a confused look. He gave you a weary smile before grabbing your wrist and tugging you into a quick hug, his arms wrapped around you tightly. You stiffened at the sudden gesture. "Thanks for doing this," he mumbled into your (H/C) hair. "It means a lot."

Minhyuk gave you one last squeeze before pulling away. "I'll see you later, okay?" He grinned widely, but his brown eyes revealed the storm of pent up fear and concern that he was trying so painstakingly hard to hide. "Be sure to tell me how he's doing." You pursed your lips and gave a curt nod in response, already marching away in the direction of Shownu's house. You made sure your strides were as long as possible in an effort to get there faster. You kept your head low and your eyes cast down at the ground, praying that you won't gain any unwanted attention before reaching the end of your short journey.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter was a bit short and boring... it'll be getting more interesting in the next one. I was originally going to have both of them combined into one, but I'm going to be switching perspectives for the next one, so the splitting of these chapters makes more sense. 
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	5. Chapter 5

Minhyuk watched (Y/N) trudge down the empty street, praying for her safety just as much as he knew she was. He normally wouldn't let her go alone, but he needed to see Hyungwon without her. Minhyuk stayed rooted to the spot, his eyes never leaving (Y/N) until her figure disappeared from view when she turned a corner. Then, he spun on his heel and continued to his own destination, the rocks crunching loudly underneath the thick soles of his shoes.

He hurried the rest of his brisk trek through the quiet streets, avoiding looking at any of his surroundings by staring straight ahead. His brain was too occupied to pay attention anyways. He couldn't help stressing about what he would find when he got there.

His mind subconsciously drifted back to the conversation he had yesterday morning. Wonho had stopped by early to talk to Minhyuk about Hyungwon while (Y/N) was sleeping. Apparently, no one had seen or heard from Hyungwon since he left to go home and he didn't meet up with Kihyun and Wonho for something even though they had planned it days in advance. Minhyuk knew that he might be overreacting, but he couldn't help shaking the nasty feeling that Hyungwon might be extremely hurt.

Turning one last corner, Minhyuk began sprinting towards a large building that stood out against the rest of the tiny settlements surrounding it. The building was two stories like his except way bigger than the house he shared with (Y/N), a tall brick wall built next to it and two white flags hanging from above the front door. It looked cold and intimidating, making him feel a small sliver of dread creep into his gut, but he continued forward until he reached the door. It had a few glass panels, but it was textured, meaning it kept anyone from clearly seeing what was inside and therefore was only used to let the sunlight shine through.

Minhyuk hesitated before knocking, his fist suspended in midair just inches away from the door's hard surface. He inwardly hoped that Hyungwon's father wasn't currently inside to invoke any trouble. Taking a deep breath to remove the stressful thoughts lingering in his brain, he quickly and loudly rapped his knuckles against the door.

Minhyuk received nothing but silence as he nervously waited for an answer. After a couple of minutes that seemed to drag out forever, he banged his hand on the door even louder than before, praying in vain that someone would hear him. Nothing happened once again, causing him to grow desperate. He  _knew_  that someone was inside; they just wanted him to go away without creating a fuss. This meant that it obviously wasn't Hyungwon's dad, who would have probably answered then slammed the door in his face.

Minhyuk swallowed down the bitter taste that rose in his throat and slowly reached for the handle. His hand shook as he turned the cold metal and pushed it open a crack, peering in cautiously. A long hallway was brightly lit from the sun's rays shining through the windows. It was painfully quiet and he flinched when he thrust the door open further, its loud groan deafening against the still air and thundering all around the house. Minhyuk carefully stepped inside and loudly shut the door behind him upon realizing that no one was coming to stop him.

He scanned the corridor, looking for any signs of someone being home. Although Hyungwon's father was highly ranked, it was obvious that he was also affected by some of the same problems as everyone else in this town. Ripped papers and miscellaneous objects were scattered carelessly on the floor, and dust coated everything within sight. Minhyuk maneuvered his way around pieces of furniture such as chairs that were out of place, making his way to one of the rooms. Suddenly he froze.

A sound came from a room that he had passed near the front of the house. Minhyuk strained his ears, trying to pick it up again while heading in that direction. He heard a loud and uncontrolled sob, followed closely by a few deep breaths. Minhyuk's stomach wrenched from listening to the pitiful noises, and he prayed inwardly that they weren't his friend's as he peered through the door.

The space before him was probably once a comfortable living room, but now it resembled the rest of the house, books and papers strewed aimlessly and one or two dusty chairs pushed to the sides. A small television that was still currently intact was resting casually in the far left corner of the room. But Minhyuk didn't notice anything unusual until he spotted the figure sitting weakly against one of the walls, its head in its hands.

"H-Hyungwon?" Minhyuk immediately recognized his friend's skinny form and he took a double take when he noticed that Hyungwon's face was covered with a mask made of grungy white cloth. He slowly raised his head when heard his name, his dark eyes meeting Minhyuk's before flicking down to the floor as if he was ashamed to make any eye contact. Minhyuk rushed forward, tripping on his way over to his friend's side and kneeling down in front of him.

"Are you okay?" He sputtered out in confusion. "Why haven't you visited any of us? Why are you wearing that?"

Hyungwon's only response was to lower his head, refusing to answer with his words. Minhyuk swallowed, his heart wrenching in his chest. He shifted slowly so that he was sitting crossed legged in front of Hyungwon, moving so that he could look him in the eye. His gaze softened, trying to get Hyungwon to open up and take off the mask that served as the only barrier keeping Minhyuk from seeing the truth.

"What happened?" Minhyuk whispered, reaching his fingers up to brush the edges of the fabric that stretched over his friend's jaw. Suddenly, Hyungwon harshly shoved his arms away from him, preventing him from lifting it up and revealing what was underneath.

"Hyungwon," he sighed, exasperated as he extended his hand out, this time to grab the top of the mask. "I just want to help-" Hyungwon flinched out of his reach, knocking his arm aside defensively with his palm.

Minhyuk sat quietly for a moment, staring at the broken sight of his friend, trying his hardest to keep himself calm.

"Hyungwon..." he pleaded, voice barely above a whisper. Tears started stinging the corners of his eyes, but he blinked them away, attempting to appear strong for Hyungwon's sake. "Please... let me help you."

No response. Hyungwon's breathing grew ragged as he continued staring down at the floor, his hands fidgeting in discomfort. Minhyuk stretched out his fingers until they connected with the white fabric of the mask one final time. He froze, waiting for Hyungwon to push him away again, but nothing came. Slowly, Minhyuk's fingers gently curled underneath the edges and started lifting it up. His breathing hitched in his throat and his heart shattered at the image before his eyes.

Hyungwon's usually handsome face looked horrible. His skin was a mixture of red, purple, and black bruises that stood out drastically against the pale color of his flesh. One of his eyes was almost completely swollen shut while the other was a bloody red. Numerous small cuts were littered across his cheeks. His raven black hair was tangled and matted beyond the impossible ability of fixing. Despite his awful complexion, Hyungwon raised his head to meet Minhyuk's widened eyes, every movement making the muscles in his neck throb. But he didn't speak, instead almost saying ' _this is what you wanted to see_ ' with nothing except a pained expression.

Minhyuk only stared, mortified. "This..." his voice cracked and his mouth hung open a tiny bit in shock. "This is what... your father..." He couldn't even finish the sentence, too horrified by the answer to continue.  _He would do this?_  He thought bitterly.  _To his own son?_  He didn't know what personal dilemmas Shownu was dealing with at the moment, but he now understood exactly why the boy hated the man so much.  _He's not a doctor, he's a monster. He's hurting instead of healing_. The very thought of him made Minhyuk's blood boil with rage.

_No. Not just him. They're all monsters. And someone needs to do something._

Without thinking, Minhyuk shot up from his sitting position on the ground and bolted out of the building, head swimming and unfocused due to his new overwhelming anger.

Hyungwon's head lowered even further after Minhyuk ran. He wanted to go after Minhyuk and tell him that he was fine, but then he would be lying. Lying to his friend. Lying to _himself_. Not to mention his muscles ached too much to even move. Hot tears slid down his swollen cheeks without warning, stinging the split skin as they fell to the floor.

This was nothing compared to the agony he felt when he recalled his promise to (Y/N).

The promise that he had broken.

Feeling as though he had lost everything important, he squeezed his eyes shut and let his face drop into his hands before letting the uncontrollable sobs rack his body.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MERRY CHRISTMAS/HOLIDAY THAT YOU CELEBRATE!!!! 
> 
> Plz enjoy this update as a gift from me for this special time of year! (ﾉ´ヮ´)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧
> 
> Also please leave a comment and/or kudos because it lets me know if you're enjoying the story and it makes me happy! (*⌒∇⌒*)
> 
> I hope you all also have a Happy New Year! 사랑해!


	6. Chapter 6

You stood in awkward silence, watching Shownu patiently as he stared at the still man in front of him. You had arrived not too long ago, but even though you greeted the boy, he seemed to want ignore you. It was earlier in the day when first showed up, now the sunlight shone through the windows along the far wall, illuminating the room you were currently in. You sat cross legged on the wooden panels of the floor, twiddling with your fingers in boredom and thinking about the old man lying on the bed in front of Shownu.

It confused you. From the worried expression on Shownu's face as he monitored the man, you knew that the relationship he had with Shownu was extremely close. Yet you couldn't happen to recall a conversation explaining any of this. It stung thinking that he didn't trust you enough to tell you about these problems, especially if you might've been able to help in some way.

"Hey," you called out softly. You silently scolded yourself thinking that he won't reply, but you figured trying to create some conversation in order to break the awkward atmosphere wouldn't hurt. "Who is he? If you don't mind me asking..."

"I mind," Shownu snapped coldly, whipping his head around to give you an acid glare. You jumped a little in surprise at his suddenly harsh attitude and his eyes softened when he saw the hurt expression pass over your features before you shrank back against the wall. He sighed in defeat. He was being unfair to you by getting annoyed at your lack of knowledge. After all, it was his own fault that he didn't tell you or the others about what had been going on. No one except Jooheon and Hyungwon knew about this.

His head lowered down to look at the object he had been subconsciously twiddling with: a mask made of white cotton fabric. The holes for the eyes and the mouth were a bit stretched from his constant handling of it. "He's my grandfather," Shownu rasped out wearily. "He's been here for me since as long as I can remember."

You slowly leaned forward on your knees in an effort to try and get a better view of the sage's face. From what you could tell, all the color had been sucked out of his skin, leaving him with a sickly pale hue. His breathing was extremely shallow and rapid, his chest rising and falling at a dangerously fast pace underneath the thick blanket that was spread over him. He was horribly sick, that much was obvious.

You didn't say anything, but you scooted closer to Shownu and timidly placed a hand on his arm to silently reassure him. You glanced at his face, noticing that his eyes were distant. "I was really young when my mother died. My father abandoned me right after and I haven't heard from him since. It was my grandfather from my mom's side who took me in and cared for me," he stopped to take a deep, calming breath before continuing, but his eyes already started to harden into disgust. "He got sick about a year ago. It wasn't bad at first and it could've been cured, but when I brought him in for treatment, he was turned away because we didn't have the money."

Almost immediately, your brain clicked. _Brought him in for treatment meaning_... "Hyungwon's father," You blurted out. "He was the doctor you brought him to and _that's_ why you hate him so much. Because he refused to let you have the medicine you needed for your grandfather to get better since you couldn't afford it."

His shoulders tensed and his eyes were unrecognizable, clouded over with silent rage as he refused to meet your curious gaze. He nodded stiffly, confirming your words even though you said it more like a statement instead of a question. "He doesn't care," Shownu snarled in detest. "He only does things that'll benefit himself, not the people who actually need it... not even Hyungwon. Just himself. He's a terrible person and he doesn't deserve my respect."

You started to softly rub his arm to comfort him, hoping to prove that he had made the right decision in trusting you with his personal story. "I'm sorry-"

"No you're not!" He suddenly snapped at you, viciously tearing his arm away from your gentle touch. "No one is! I'm tired of people giving us sympathy over his condition, yet they don't do anything to help! I don't need their pity, but that's the only thing I receive. And now it might be too late."

You flinched back, your eyes widening in surprise. "Shownu-"

"Shut up!" He glowered accusingly, shooting you daggers with his eyes. He then leaned forward, covering his face with shaking hands and breathing raggedly. He looked broken and you could tell he was trying extremely hard to keep himself together. The two of you lapsed into an uncomfortable silence that lasted for a few minutes, creating a barrier of tension that was so thin, the smallest of noises would shatter it.

When Shownu finally spoke, his voice was slightly steadier than before, but you could still hear the inner pain laced throughout his words. "I'm just... I just know that I'm losing. I've been hopeful that maybe he could get better for so long. I want to keep believing that there's still a chance, but a small part of me knows that there isn't. I'm starting to give up on him, and it scares me. I _need_ to do something. I can't give up."

You opened your mouth, but he spoke up one more time, cutting you off. "Leave me alone and go back to Minhyuk," he croaked out, making it sound more like a desperate plea instead of a demand. "You're only going to keep giving me sympathy and that's the last thing I want."

You sat still in shock for a moment, your eyebrows furrowed together. Then you slowly rose up from your kneeling position next to Shownu. However, you refused to leave just yet, instead fixing him with a sad and disappointed stare. After everything he just revealed to you, he continuously insisted on tossing your support away. You knew that you should feel somewhat honored that he had finally opened up, but you couldn't shake the feeling that he still doesn't trust you completely.

"I just thought you should know," you let out in a small voice, half-hoping that Shownu wasn't listening. You knew that he was though, when he visibly tensed up, obviously waiting for what you were going to say next. "It doesn't rain here often, but when it does, I like it. I like to stand outside. It calms me. It falls without ever worrying about anything. Worrying about things like the screwed lives we've been forced to live. When I stand in it, I imagine that I'm not living in this horrid town anymore. I imagine that I'm like the rain, falling endlessly and carefree."

It probably seemed weird that you would start talking about something random like rain, but to you it held meaning. You turned around in satisfaction and took another step towards the door, but was interrupted by a cold, harsh voice. Even though you couldn't see him, you could feel his gaze searing into your back.

"What does that have to do with anything?" he spat. It made you flinch. This wasn't the Shownu that you had known throughout the years. This was a Shownu who was starting to change into something cruel so that he can fight back against the cruel treatment that was brought upon himself. Fighting fire with fire.

"I wasn't going to give you sympathy," you retorted, avoiding his question and matching your tone with his. "I don't understand why you feel the need to toss the people who actually want to help aside, but I'm not going to force you to hold on. However, if you refuse to put your faith in them, over time they'll lose their faith in you as well which is something you can't afford. Remember, you're not the only who's suffered. Lots of the citizens here have been through just as much, maybe even more, than you have. Parents losing children. Children losing parents. People abused, abandoned, homeless. I guarantee that some have given up on life entirely. Their problems may not affect you directly, but it serves to show us that we all need each other in order to make it through."

You had been keeping your eyes on the exit in front of you. Taking a deep, slow breath you turned your head a bit to the side and spoke in a voice barely louder than a whisper. "Tell me Shownu. Have you ever once seen me cry?"

You didn't need to see his face to know that he was completely taken aback by the question. "What are you talking about? Of course I've..." his answer trailed off as he thought about your question. He frowned, trying to remember a time during the past few years when he saw you distressed about something. He's definitely seen you upset, but the more he thought about it, the more he realized he never actually saw you shed tears over those situations. Not one.

He looked at you, confused and unsure about what you were trying to say. "No," he finally replied. "I guess I haven't."

"There's a reason for that," you swallowed down a bitter taste that had been rising in your throat. "Were you with me the last time it rained?"

This time, he stayed silent before answering right away. Scanning through his memories, he recalled the one specific moment when the whole group was hanging out together under the bridge like they had the other day. It was unexpected. The thunder crashed and rain started immediately pouring, trapping all of you under the stone which was the only thing keeping everyone dry. He remembered seeing you smile wide before jumping up enthusiastically, running directly into the downpour. You spent the next few minutes goofily spinning around in circles, letting the rain completely drench you from head to toe.

Then a few of the other boys - like Jooheon and Changkyun - quickly followed suit, joined not long after by the rest of the group. You all spent what seemed like hours jumping, dancing, and twirling amidst the harsh torrent of water without a care in the world. At one point, Shownu noticed you standing a bit aways from the group by yourself, gazing up at the sky. The droplets stuck to your lashes and your face, your hair plastered against your glistening skin. He had asked you if you were okay. Slowly, you turned to him with a soft smile and silently nodded. He then ran back to the others without a second glance, leaving you alone with your thoughts.

Snapping himself out of his memories and back to the present, Shownu's eyes opened wide with realization. Unfortunately, he had obliviously missed something extremely important that day.

"I like the rain," you repeated when you didn't hear an answer, sighing deeply. "It's good for people like us, Shownu. People who keep their worst sorrows and pains bottled up inside themselves so that they won't appear vulnerable. So that they remain strong for the people they love. So they remain impenetrable to the people who are enemies. It's good because..."

Shownu's breath caught in his throat as your voice wavered off. He was afraid to make a sound in case you weren't going to finish what you were going to say next.

Your eyes started to sting, but you panicked and quickly blinked. _Not now_... you pleaded desperately to yourself. _Not when I've come this far..._

"...because when I cry, no one will know."

Without sparing a look behind to witness his reaction, you swiftly walked out of the room and into the corridor, making sure to slam the door loudly behind you.

Shownu's eyes never left the spot you were standing just moments before. He wanted to scream at himself for acting so selfishly. You had lost your parents just like him. He had foolishly forgotten that fact and apparently, you were more affected by your loss than you let on. However, unlike him, you didn't openly mope about your past. Instead, you tried to distract yourself from it by helping your friends. But now he was worried that he might have lost you as a friend. He shook his head at his own stupidity and let his shoulders slouch in defeat.

On the other side of the door, you were trying your hardest to control your heavy breathing, but failing as tears stung your eyes. You leaned with your back against the wall to support your weight just as your legs gave out beneath you, causing you to slide down to the floor weakly. Your shoulders heaved as you cried longer and harder than you ever have in your entire life, the tears soaking everything they touched.


	7. Chapter 7

**Seven Months Ago**

_You slowly made your way along the dark road, your only source of light a mixture between the few dim street lamps and the moon above your head. Since it was so late, it seemed as though the streets were totally lifeless, everyone having retreated into the safety of their homes to hide from the unknown dangers that lurk in the darkness._

_You moved quickly, your thoughts straying every once in a while, but mainly focusing on finding the person you were looking for. You remembered how Minhyuk had told you he was going to be gone for a bit, leaving you alone in the house. You hadn't thought anything of it since it became a normal thing over the past few months: him going out on his own without you. You figured it was for personal reasons or so that he could have some time to himself. Either way, you grew more and more curious over those few months, but avoided nosing around in his business._

_This time was different. It wasn't like Minhyuk to stay out past dark, but he didn't come back yet and you became extremely worried, eventually deciding to search for him yourself. Now, you were rushing across each street, scanning everything in your field of vision._

_Your footsteps were loud, the soles of your shoes grinding against the hard gravel. A few times, you had even called out his name, but you were met with nothing except the silent air. It was a miracle that no one else heard you as well._

_After moving around for the past hour all the while hoping desperately that you would find something, you had just about given up. You leaned against the side of a random building, its features hidden by the black night, and you rested with your hands on your knees, trying to catch your breath. It took you a good few minutes before your ragged breathing blended back into the quiet atmosphere surrounding you._

_You had just decided to head back to your house, praying inwardly for Minhyuk to be there when you returned, when you heard a noise. You froze immediately, straining your ears to try and catch anything else. You didn't wait long before you managed to hear something: a hysterical laugh in the distance followed by the sounds of a few others. You identified that the voices were male, but not just any..._

_Your eyes widened as you recognized those voices. Without hesitation, you quickly guessed which direction the noises were coming from and took off, not caring anymore about making an effort to keep from waking the dead town. As you ran along past a couple more alleyways and blocks, a smile of relief had crept onto your facial features and you let out a small chuckle. You were going to find him and bring him back so you could finally get a good night's rest._

_It only was a few more moments before you easily reached the source, but as you slowed to a stop, your smile faded into a frown when you laid eyes on the building the voices were protruding from._ Why would they be in a green house? What business could they possibly have in there?

_You realized that this wouldn't seem suspicious to anyone except you. After all, Minhyuk had deliberately excluded you from joining him, therefore giving you a perfectly valid explanation as to why you were genuinely confused at this sudden discovery._

_No doubt you were curious to know about what he was hiding. And judging by the multiple voices that could be heard, he wasn't the only one in on this secret. You felt slightly betrayed that he didn't let you know about this and was trying to hide it from you. You took a cautious step forward towards the door that had been left wide open. A bright, flickering light shone through the open doorway, illuminating the ground a few feet outside the door._

_You moved quietly so that you wouldn't be discovered. When you reached the door, you slowly and carefully peeked around the corner, almost immediately letting out a short gasp._

_All seven of the boys were adorned in black clothes which stood out immensely against their pale skin and allowed the colorful paint that was lathered across their skin to contrast as well. The paint practically glowed due to the light bouncing off of it from the small fire they were huddled around. A mixture of smoke and steam shrouded them, lazily hovering in the air and coiling around the boys' heads and limbs._

_As soon as you happened to breathe in just a small bit of the thick fumes, your vision began to blur and you felt dizzy. You instinctively covered your mouth in disgust and gagged into your hand, making a face. Another bout of hysterical laughter and shouting could be heard and you squinted through the haze to see the boys clapping each other on the backs. Then they reached up to eagerly grab something a figure standing at the head of the group was dangling precariously overhead. A figure that you recognized as Jooheon._

_He grinned widely, almost maniacally, and slowly passed the object to the person sitting to the right of him. Wonho. The object was apparently a bowl or a cup since Wonho lifted it to his smirking lips and tilted his head back to drink from it. You watched with wide eyes as he pulled it away and passed it to the next person, Shownu. However, once the metal dish left his hands, Wonho's head jerked violently to the side and a menacing expression flashed across his facial features._

_As the bowl got passed around to the other members in the group, Jooheon waved his arms wildly above their heads and chanted loudly, as if he were casting a spell on them. After each person took a drink from the strange bowl, you noticed that they would do something unnatural. Shownu threw his head back, a wide smile across his face and Minhyuk, whom you recognized because of his light blonde hair, aggressively shook his head for no reason._

_So much more was happening, but everything about the scene before your eyes overwhelmed you to the point where you hadn't even realized that you had taken a few steps further into the greenhouse. In a rush of panic, you instinctively dropped your hand away from your mouth and turned around to leave. Because you had completely forgotten about the sickly fumes surrounding you, your brain immediately turned fuzzy and your vision clouded over, causing you to stumble on your way to the door._

_Quickly, you covered your mouth again to block out the smoke and you managed to safely make your way outside, but the focused concentration to do it had drained you. You started coughing harshly when your lungs finally received clean air and you practically collapsed into the side of the greenhouse, having to sit because your legs felt so weak._

_The stuff they were drinking, the concoction, was obviously a drug of some sort. Their reactions after they drank were proof enough. Not to mention the smoke from the fire was bad too, possibly a hallucinogen. But the question was: how? What did they use?_

_The boys definitely weren't acting like themselves. They were acting careless, as if they didn't know what was happening around them and instead giving in to the chance of being able to experience this euphoria even if it doesn't last forever._ Is this really their plan? To escape our hardships by drugging themselves? _You shook your head._ They know that their reveries won't last and they'll only be disappointed again once they're back to normal. Why do they have to do this to themselves?

 _You peeked around the corner while making sure to keep yourself from inhaling the smoke. You stared hard, trying to see the shapes of plants inside the building and it wasn't long before a specific flower immediately caught your eye. In fact, it was the only type of plant growing in there, overflowing until all the surfaces it covered were veiled by a thick blanket of the mysterious herb._ That must be it.

_They obviously prepared the flower a certain way to create drug-inducing effects and then drank their strange potion. They also must've thrown some of the herb into the fire to burn, thus releasing even more of its desired effects._

_You were so deep into your thoughts that you didn't notice the sudden drop in noise at first, the sounds of the boys' laughter having faded to soft chatter. You suddenly snapped to attention, trying to hear their conversation._

_"We should go back," came Wonho's voice, raspy and worn, but clear enough for you to understand him. Murmurs of agreement followed his words as well as the shuffling of feet, causing you to panic and shoot up from your spot outside the door. You managed to dive behind a couple of empty crates just as the footsteps reached the doorway and crunched against the gravel street, the sound echoing loudly off the surrounding buildings._

_You peaked over the top to see Jooheon and Minhyuk carefully holding on to Hyungwon since he was struggling to walk by himself, and Shownu leading them away as they disappeared into the dark._ That means only Wonho, Kihyun, and Changkyun are left. Maybe they'll tell me what's going on.

_You quietly stood up and made your way to the entrance of the greenhouse one more time, stopping in the middle of the doorway and staring at the remaining boys in complete silence. They were currently cleaning up the mess the seven of them had made. Kihyun was busy putting out the fire, Changkyun was rubbing some excess paint off the floor, and Wonho was gathering together an assortment of metal dishes and equipment, probably used for the preparation of their drug._

_Wonho stood up first and turned around to stash the objects in his arms away somewhere, but as soon as his eyes rested on you, he froze. His eyes grew wide, a mixture of surprise and confusion flashing across his features, before a defending crash sounded as he dropped everything._

_"What are you doing here?" He rasped, his voice completely hoarse. Changkyun and Kihyun swiveled around to see who Wonho was talking to._

_"I could ask you the same question," you replied, your voice cold._

_"We were... uh..." he stuttered, frantically searching his brain for an excuse that would work in his favor. "...planting stuff." Murmurs escaped from the two boys behind him as they hastily agreed with his choice of words, but Wonho instantly regretted his decision to lie._

_You narrowed your eyes. "Is that what Minhyuk wanted you to say to keep me from seeing your little cult?" You spat bitterly. "To keep me from seeing you all high and drunk off this drug you've been gorging yourselves on? Don't lie to me."_

_Wonho flinched at the venom in your voice, and he seemed to shrink a bit, shame clear on his face upon realizing that you knew he was lying. "So you saw us?" He whispered._

_You scowled, and gestured to the colors spattered across his clothes. "It's hard to miss the bright paint."_

_He hung his head, his blonde bangs covering up his eyes. Changkyun let out a deep breath that he had been holding in and started to continue his cleaning. Kihyun stood up, his almond brown eyes trained on you. "You're not going to tell anyone are you?"_

_You snorted. "Who am I going to tell? I may be extremely ticked by what I had to find out for myself, but you're still my friends."_

_A loud scoff escaped Changkyun's throat and he slowly rose from the floor as well, but with a dark look on his face that unnerved you. He wobbled slightly, proving that he must still be feeling addled. It didn't surprise you since he was the youngest in the group after yourself. His body probably isn't strong enough to cope as well as the others'._

_"Why wouldn't you tell?" He sneered. "It's a harsh world out there. People would do anything to gain favor with those military prats, wouldn't they? So why wouldn't you?"_

_A hurt expression passed over your face for a moment and you took a step back. Then your anger started boiling again and you glowered at him. "I would never do that and you know it! My point is that you all deliberately excluded me from what you were doing and, worse yet, lied straight to my face! You don't have any right being mad at me!"_

_"I don't?" He returned your cold glare with his own. "You were the one who spied and eavesdropped on us," he pointed out. "You think that isn't a wrong in itself? You think you're completely innocent? Why were you even walking around alone at night? Were you stalking us?"_

_You were fuming at his accusation. "I was out looking for Minhyuk because I was worried, not because I was stalking you guys!"_

_"And you think the streets are safe at night? Where anyone could be lurking to attack?"_

_"No one was going to hurt me-"_

_"Really? What about us?" He started sauntering dangerously close to you, forcing you to take a few steps backwards as the color drained from your face. "I'm still heavily intoxicated from the drug and could do anything I want to you because I'm thinking irrationally. Hell, I won't even remember any of this tomorrow-"_

_"That's enough," Wonho growled at him, holding out his arm and successfully blocking Changkyun from coming any closer. He just sent a sarcastic smirk your way and shrugged before turning back around, muttering "only trying to prove a point"._

_Deciding to ignore Changkyun until he was acting normal again, you faced Wonho once more while your anger simmered down into hurt. "Why?" You demanded. "Why is this place so important? Why do you all feel the need to be doing any of this?"_

_He smiled despite wanting to escape your hard stare. He didn't want to get into trouble with the others for explaining too much, but he also felt that you deserved the truth after going through the past few months constantly being lied to._

_"Hyungwon found the seeds for this herb in his father's storage," he explained, gesturing to the bright blue flowers. "Apparently, it has exceptional healing abilities and we've been developing it into an advanced medicine. We also discovered that it could also be used as a drug and kind of got carried away with that part, but overall our main goal has remained the same: to finalize this medicine. It's important to us. We were going to tell you, but once we started using it as a drug, we didn't want to get you involved in that kind of thing."_

_Your curiosity replaced your hurt. "I have to admit, it's impressive that you're all dedicating so much time and effort into inventing something big like a medicine. I didn't know you guys were into that kind of stuff."_

_"Thanks!" Kihyun jumped in, beaming proudly. "Hyungwon has learned a lot from his dad even though he won't admit it. But he's taught us a lot and Minhyuk's been planning on-"_

_"Shut up," Changkyun hissed, cutting Kihyun off before he could accidentally reveal anything else._

_"I think that now's a good time to bring you home," Wonho interrupted almost instantly, silently agreeing that Kihyun had said too much. You opened your mouth to object, but he spoke before you could get another word out. "Besides, Minhyuk is probably worried that you're not home. You went out to look for him right? What if he goes out to look for you since you're gone?"_

_You shot him an annoyed glare that let him know he proved a valid point before spinning around to march out the door, leaving the three of them inside to finish cleaning. "Wait!" Wonho called, catching up and placing a gentle hand on your shoulder. "I'll walk you home."_

_"Fine," you huffed, shrugging his hand away in annoyance and kept walking forward without sparing him a second look. The two of you walked in silence for the first few minutes, but just as you rounded the street corner, Wonho stopped you. Since it was pitch black outside and your vision hadn't adjusted yet, you couldn't see his faceproperly._

_"Please don't let them know that I told you everything," he requested softly. "They'll get upset at me. If anything, just say that you found us in the greenhouse. Okay?"_

_You shook your head in disbelief and then realized that he couldn't see your reaction._

_"Well I definitely won't say you told me 'everything' since I know that you didn't," you retorted. You sensed him tense up at your tone. You felt slightly guilty and you calmed yourself before continuing softly. "I care about you guys. I want you all to be safe even though I understand I'm asking for a lot. But if you feel I shouldn't know something because of how I'll react to it then I'm not going to force you to tell me."_

_Suddenly, strong arms wrapped around your waist and you stiffened as you were pulled into an affectionate hug. You were hesitant to hug back at first, but you slowly raised your arms to give him a soft squeeze. He tightened his hold on you and you felt him bury his face into your shoulder._

_"Thank you," he tenderly breathed into your shoulder and a tiny, caring smile tugged on the corner of your lips. "Please don't ever assume we're doing this to hurt you. No matter what you may think, we're all in for each other. And that includes you."_


	8. Chapter 8

A loud rapping against the door snapped Shownu out of his silent brooding. It had been over a half an hour since (Y/N) had left, yet her words still continued to ring through his head, stinging him. She was the youngest in their group, but there were times when her words were far too wise for someone her age to speaking. Was it just a natural girl thing? Shownu didn't know.

The tapping on the door occurred again, this time accompanied by an impatient voice. "Shownu, come on and open up. It's Jooheon."

Shownu stirred slightly, but remained seated in front of his grandfather. Only one thought was stuck on his mind, bothering him. "Is (Y/N) out there with you?"

When Jooheon's voice returned it sounded confused. "(Y/N)? No, she's not."

"Do you see her on the street?"

A moment of silence as Jooheon quickly scanned the surrounding buildings before replying with, "No".

"Just stay out there and keep your voice down a bit," Shownu instructed. "She might be watching."

Jooheon thought it was impossible to be even more confused than he already was, but he managed to prove himself wrong. He sighed. "Okay fine, but I just wanted to let you know that I finally got my hands on one. I don't have it right now so I'll meet you in the alley on fifth in about an hour."

Shownu sat in silence, his eyes staring at nothing and waiting for Jooheon to leave. The sounds of footsteps never came however, instead receiving another exasperated sigh through the door. Obviously, Jooheon was starting to lose his patience.

"Look, I get it if you want to back out, but just weigh the pros and cons. You can either keep your pride or you can finally cure your grandfather. You're choice. Either way, I'll wait in the alley and if you come, we'll do it and if you don't, I'm heading home."

And that was it. Jooheon didn't waste any more words or anymore time, finally walking away to leave Shownu alone with his thoughts and his decision.

Shownu leaned forward for what felt like the millionth time to rest his head in his hands, his eyes blinking tiredly as a wave of nausea hit him. Everything that (Y/N) had told him earlier made sense. It wasn't fair for him to treat people this way, especially his friends. The past year he had been blaming himself for his grandfather's sickness, but he had kept his guilt bottled up to avoid receiving sympathy.

On the other hand, he also knew that it wasn't entirely his own fault. He had brought his grandfather to be treated multiple times and even though they diagnosed him with something serious, nothing was ever done to help him.

Shownu's eyes narrowed as he recalled the conversation with the doctor. Hyungwon's father. They were told that he would've been able to be cured had they possessed the money to pay for it.

They were turned away.

They were rejected.

These thoughts alone were enough to rekindle the burning fire inside of him, causing his anger to flare up and consume him once again. His hands clenched his hair tightly, his body trembling uncontrollably. At this point, all words of wisdom that (Y/N) had given him left his mind, replaced by cold hatred. He tried blocking her out of his brain and shakily lifted his head to stare at the man lying stagnant on the bed next to him.

"I _will_ help you," he whispered, the intensity of his voice masking his pained emotions. He knew that his grandfather couldn't hear him, but he spoke more to reassure himself. "I'll do everything I can."

Shownu stood up and spent the next five minutes nervously pacing and planning for his meeting. He would need to leave soon if he wanted to be there on time, maybe even showing up before his friend. Also, Jooheon said that he finally had one, which was good. It would make everything easier. But what if someone finds out who they were and what they had done? What would happen then? Would their other group members be disappointed or would they understand that it had all been for a good cause?

Shooting one last worried glance at his grandfather's resting form; Shownu took a deep breath and ripped the front door open. The faster he left the faster they would get the job over with. He stepped outside and closed it behind him, nothing unusual except the white mask that was left lying on the chair in his wake.

The whole time he was walking along the busy street, his eyes darted to every passing person in caution. He tried his hardest to look normal, keeping his head low, but he couldn't help feeling self-conscious. What if someone gets suspicious? He flinched every time someone brushed past him among the thick crowd. What if a soldier stops him? His eyes shifted to scan the edges of the street, searching for patrol officers.

Shownu finally reached the alley where Jooheon had asked to meet and turned the corner after making sure no one was looking. He slipped into the darkness easily and wove his way through the maze of crates and metal bins filled with garbage. He stopped at the other end of the alley to wait quietly, making sure to stay completely hidden in the shadows and out of view.

His body shook from nerves as he leaned his back against the wall, his head hitting the stone. He felt like a mess and he probably looked like one too. Shownu anxiously wetted his lips and wiped his sweaty palms onto his pants, snapping to look in the direction of any sound he happened to hear. His heart was racing so fast, he was almost surprised no one could hear it pounding loudly in his chest.

It was hard for him to believe he had actually decided to come, especially after the deep argument he had with (Y/N) earlier. She told him without any hesitation that he was acting selfish. His eyes narrowed at the thought. _This isn't selfish_ , Shownu had to reassure himself. _I'm doing this for a good reason. She doesn't know what she's talking about_. _She's not even worth my time._

Suddenly, his ears caught the sound of approaching footsteps and his mind drifted away from (Y/N). He hastily scanned his surroundings, but sensed nothing at first. Seconds later, a figure blocked the fading light shining from the opposite entrance to the alley and Shownu tensed as it started to advance towards him.

"Shownu!" The figure called, picking up his pace to a jog after catching sight of him standing at the other end. Shownu immediately relaxed his rigid posture after hearing the familiar voice of Jooheon.

However, no more words passed between them as Jooheon ran forward, a large dark duffel bag slung over his right shoulder. Approaching Shownu, Jooheon kept casting weary looks behind him as if he felt like he was being watched. Coming to a stop to face his friend, he slowly lowered the bag from its perch, holding it out in front of his body for Shownu to take. The two boys exchanged a knowing look that replaced the need for any conversation before Shownu tore his eyes from Jooheon's to unzip the duffel and peer inside.

His heart continued to pound in his chest, the sound of his pulse resonating in his ears. Somehow, he managed to keep his hand steady as he reached inside, but his jaw hung slightly open in surprise as he carefully pulled out a small, metal object. He couldn't believe that Jooheon actually managed to snag something of this value and importance.

Shownu swallowed harshly and glanced back up at his friend, witnessing a smug smirk working its way onto his face.

"Ready when you are, Captain."

Shownu blinked and quickly stole a glimpse of the street adjacent to the nook where they were currently still hiding. It was almost empty now that the sun had started to set. He gently retracted his hand from the bag before taking it completely from Jooheon's possession.

A smile spread across Shownu's features as they shared one last look. Then, he turned and bolted around the corner, not waiting to see if Jooheon had followed suit. The bag dangled precariously in his grasp as he careened down the street, buildings whipping by at lightning speed as he only focused on how fast his legs could carry him.

It wasn't long before he saw Jooheon sprinting along his left side from the corner of his vision. As they barreled down the gravel road, they received loud gasps from any civilians they happened to pass, but they continued their run without sparing them a second glance. It was also a miracle that no military offers were patrolling at this time; if they had they would have tried to stop the two boys.

Feeling confident, Shownu pivoted himself so that he could face Jooheon while he was still running and tossed the duffel across to him. Instincts kicking in automatically, Jooheon barely managed to catch it at the pace they were going, but let out a quick whoop of satisfaction when he was holding it safely.

Their destination nearing fast, Jooheon called out to gain Shownu's attention before hurling the bag back at him. He caught it with ease and ripped it open, plunging his hand inside. He yanked out the object and flung the empty sack to Jooheon. They were going to need it later.

They hardly skidded to a halt in front of a small building and, wasting no time, rushed the front entrance. Shownu pushed his way in first while Jooheon leapt through the doorway behind him.

The reaction was instant. There were two older men inside, conversing with each other at a small table, but they shot up when the two boys entered what appeared to be a shop. They quickly backed away with their hands in the air when they caught sight of the object Shownu was welding in front of them.

His hands gripped the handle of the small gun. White fabric was wound around it tightly to conceal it from the public eye, but the two older men knew exactly what it was and what it could do. His finger rested loosely on the trigger to make it look like he would shoot at any time, using intimidation to get these men to cooperate.

One of the men was already rushing behind the counter that was separated from the rest of the store by a transparent wall of glass. The glass had many small holes cut in it and one large hole used to pass money though during an exchange. Shownu followed him closely with an impatient expression, willing him to work even faster.

Jooheon moved to examine the items lining the glass case in the window, shooting the other man who had remained paralyzed in fear with his hands up a glare that warned him not to move. He then proceeded to slide open the case's door and stuff one of the things in the bag. Needing nothing else, he slid it shut and moved so that he could watch the two shopkeepers while Shownu was busy.

The man fumbled and Shownu raised the gun even higher, aiming it at the man through the large hole. Letting out a small noise in fear, he finally started pulling out neatly kept stacks of bills, placing them hurriedly on the counter. Before long, a ridiculously large pile of cash had formed on top.

"Is that it?" Shownu growled. The shopkeeper only nodded vigorously, his eyes pleading for Shownu not to kill him. Waving Jooheon to his side, they speedily dumped the money into the duffel and zipped it up. Finally, they backed to the door with their narrowed glares on the two men in case they would try anything and slipped out.

They didn't stop sprinting until they were safely a far distance away from the shop they had targeted. Slowing down in the middle of an almost-empty street, the two boys stopped to catch their breath. Jooheon was bent over, his palms resting on his knees and his head low. Shownu's hands gripped the now bulging bag as if it was his life line, his knuckles turning white. He wanted to collapse on the ground after all the running they just did.

"I can't..." He gasped. "Believe... we just... did that..."

Jooheon glanced up, a wide grin on his face. "I know."

Suddenly, his eyes landed on something behind Shownu and his smile immediately faded, replaced by a look of panic. Shownu whipped around expecting to see a group of soldiers. The gun, now completely exposed since the white fabric fell away, was poised in front of him ready to shoot.

A pair of angry (E/C) eyes stopped him in his tracks.

"What," (Y/N) hissed. "The _hell_ were you doing?"

***

 _What the hell am I doing_? Minhyuk thought to himself wearily. _This is wrong. It's a crime. I shouldn't..._

 _You're doing this for a good cause_ , he reminded himself, his reasoning sending a wave of confidence throughout his body, renewing him of the strength he needed to complete this mission.

"You ready?" Came a voice to his left followed by a hand placed comfortingly on his shoulder. Minhyuk looked up to see Changkyun searching his face with his brown eyes, waiting calmly for an answer. He could also see Wonho peering at him from over Changkyun's shoulder with a worried expression on his face.

Minhyuk let out an airy laugh. "Of course."

He leaned down and lifted up a large jug by the handle. The smell of gasoline reached his nostrils, the burning stench causing him to instinctively gag. With a nod at his two friends, he started down the empty street in the direction of Hyungwon's home. Wonho and Changkyun each yanked a white cotton mask over their faces to hind their identities. Minhyuk did nothing except pull the hood of his jacket to barely cover his light blonde hair.

They were ready.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello readers!
> 
> I just wanted to let you know that I'm probably not going to be able to update for the next week or so (maybe even three weeks but I don't think it'll be quite that long). I have midterm exams. *groan* 
> 
> I'll try to update as soon as I can. :) ❤


	9. Chapter 9

You stood tall with your hands placed menacingly on your hips, showing that you were very much upset. You eyed the bag that Shownu was grasping with a venomous glare, suspecting that whatever was in it wasn't good. Both of the boys were staring at you with wide eyes and slacked jaws, clearly not expecting to see you. You raised your eyebrows, impatiently waiting for an answer.

Shownu was the first to break out of his mental shutdown, shooting up so that his back was straight. He was already tall, but it was obvious he was trying to make himself appear even taller in an attempt to intimidate you. He glowered at you, not wanting to let you gain any high ground on him.

"What we do is none of your business," Shownu snarled.

You snorted in contempt, firing back a retort immediately. "Cut the bull and the tough guy charade, Shownu. It won't work on me one bit. I'm not as big of an idiot as you seem to think I am... I know exactly what you two were doing."

Taking a daring step forward, your glare locked with Shownu's in a silent challenge. Jooheon started to panic from his position behind him, fearing for what Shownu might do to you if he gets pushed past his limit. After all, he was technically the leader of your small band of friends, even though it was never actually stated out loud with words. No one had ever questioned his authority before. One thing was certain though: Shownu hated being tested.

And that was exactly what you were doing.

"So you two are criminals now?" You hissed through your teeth. The two of you were still glaring at each other with fire in your eyes, neither of you willing to break away first.

"It was for a good reason," he growled, his eyes narrowing.

"Like hell!" You snorted. "There's absolutely no possible reason that's good enough for you to do something like this."

The muscles in his jaw visibly clenched. "Actually there is. I'm using this..." he raised up the bag a bit. "...to finally cure my grandfather." Your eyes widened at those words. You searched his gaze for any small sign showing that he was joking, but there was none. He genuinely believed that what he did was good, which disgusted you to no end.

"You're actually kidding me, right?" You laughed bitterly, finally backing away to shake your head in disappointment. "That's the most screwed up reason I've ever heard."

Shownu was completely taken aback at your reaction, taking a step back in shock. He hadn't expected such a harsh reply from you. He recomposed himself quickly and his dark expression returned. "You're such a liar," he spat. "I finally opened up to you, believing that you cared, but apparently you don't. You're nothing but a lying-"

"If there's anyone here who doesn't care about your grandfather," you hurriedly cut him off with a sneer on your face, hiding the fact that you didn't want him to finish his sentence. "It's you."

Nothing in this universe could have prepared him for a response like that. He felt as though you had plunged a dagger in him, his eyes flashing with pain. Maybe a dagger would even hurt less than what you just said. What did you mean by that? He was willing to do literally anything to help his family and his friends. His blood boiled in his veins. How _dare_ you accuse him of something so vile..?

"Excuse me?" He growled, his voice dangerously low. "I would ask you to repeat yourself, but that would be a very risky-"

"I'm anything but scared," you insisted, standing your ground with confidence. "Especially of you. You don't care about him. If you did you would have realized that the last thing he'd want you to do is steal for him!"

"Shut up! You don't know anything!"

Jooheon started shifting as soon as he saw Shownu's fingers tighten dangerously around the gun he was still holding. The gun that had apparently been forgotten about the whole time – up until now.

Shownu was shaking from uncontrollable anger, giving you a look that made Jooheon want to cower into a ball out of terror. He inwardly prayed in vain for you to stay quiet and leave before Shownu does anything to hurt you. He even tried to give you a warning, signaling for you to abort your mission, but you were hardly paying him any attention, instead focusing on arguing with the stubborn boy in front of you.

"I know that he wouldn't want to be cured with tainted money!" Your voice's volume had escalated dramatically, getting louder by the second. "He'd rather you let him die instead of using what you stole from innocent people!"

Your rant was met with no response except Shownu's deep breathing, the air filled with horribly thick tension. You watched him as he closed his eyes, confused on whether he was trying to calm down or if he was thinking of something else to say. His angry expression softened just a bit, but his eyes snapped open a moment later and an unreadable glint flashed in his eyes, catching you off guard.

"Jooheon," he demanded in a low voice, slightly hoarse from all the shouting. Not once did his fiery eyes leave you. Jooheon flinched when he heard his name being called. "Come here."

A painful minute passed where no one moved an inch. Eyes flicking to his for a brief moment, your brows jumped upon seeing the anxious expression plastered across poor Jooheon's face. You would have felt bad for him if he hadn't helped Shownu commit a crime. Then, slowly, Jooheon hesitantly rose to his feet and shuffled to Shownu's side.

Jooheon was about to ask what he was needed for, but Shownu beat him to it. With unexpected expertise, he flipped the gun in his hand so that he was gripping it by the barrel and held it out for Jooheon to take. Jooheon's face paled instantly. He reluctantly reached up with clammy, sweaty hands and took possession of the deadly object.

"Make sure she doesn't follow," Shownu's voice was dark and even. "If she moves... shoot her."

Time stopped, your breathing stopped, your heart stopped.

Jooheon looked as though he wanted to run away on the spot, but because of how terrified he was of Shownu at the moment, he also didn't want to disobey. He gulped and approached you, aiming the gun. You widened your eyes, but didn't move, the sight of the weapon stopping you from doing anything.

Shownu turned around in satisfaction, hitching the duffel packed with money higher on his shoulder. He began walking away in the direction of his home, refusing to give you a second glance.

"This is completely insane! Utter madness!" You shrieked at him desperately, frozen in fear as Jooheon kept the cold barrel of the gun pressed limply to your forehead. You knew that he would never actually shoot, but it terrified you enough to stay still. "You can't do this-"

"We're out of time," Shownu snarled, whipping around to glower at you. "And out of options."

Your mouth snapped shut, not sure of what else you could say that would keep him from leaving. Jooheon kept his unreadable gaze on you, trying hard to hold the gun as steady as possible so that he didn't accidentally do anything that he would regret. You could only watch as Shownu spun around and walked away once more, your muscles rigid until he turned a corner and disappeared completely from view.

Almost instantly, Jooheon relaxed and lowered the gun from your temple at lightning speed. You pulled away, finally allowing yourself to move, but traumatized by how far the boys had gone in order to get their way.

Jooheon felt horrible seeing you like this and he didn't want to admit it, but he knew it would probably take forever for him to eventually gain your trust back. He let the gun slip from the tips of his fingers and he reached out his hand, about to tell you how sorry he was. His suspicions were confirmed when you flinched violently from his touch. He gritted his teeth, watching the mixed emotions continuously flash across your face and patiently waiting for you to figure out your jumbled thoughts.

Your chest heaved as your eyes finally narrowed at Jooheon in distrust. You could see his shoulders slump in defeat, but you noticed he didn't make any more moves towards you. Instead he took a step back in an attempt to keep a respectable distance between the two of you.

"I... I'm sorry..." he stuttered, feeling uncomfortable under your intense glare.

You scoffed and spun around, showing that you were clearly uninterested in listening to him make up excuses. "Save it."

"Wait!" He called after you, concern laced throughout his voice. "I'm not about to pretend that what I did wasn't wrong, but you have to know that I was never going to actually hurt you."

"Then why did you do it?" You snapped at him. "Just leave me alone."

"We didn't know you would be here."

You whipped around to scream out your frustrations at him, but you hadn't even opened your mouth when a loud explosion sounded, practically shaking the ground beneath you.

"What the-" Jooheon was spinning around confused, scanning the abandoned street and the buildings in every direction, hoping to pinpoint the source. You did the same, temporarily forgetting about your anger towards him, and shot him a questioning glance.

"Look!" He pointed to something behind you. Your head turned so fast, you almost got a whiplash. In the distance, maybe around a dozen blocks away, was a huge plume of smoke rising into the air along with the putrid smell of something burning. Your eyebrows furrowed as a single thought slipped its way into your brain and off your tongue. "Isn't Hyungwon's house over there?"

Jooheon's eyes widened once the realization hit him hard like a brick to the face. The two of you locked worried gazes for a split second before immediately starting your sprint straight towards the chaos that had ensued.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EXAMS ARE OVER I'M SO HAPPY (ﾉ'ヮ')ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧
> 
> ...but now i have a history project due in two weeks. What is this unfair life and why?
> 
> Oh whale. It's not super stressful so at least I can sleep without Algebra equations haunting my dreams. 
> 
> I ALSO ACTUALLY DID WAY BETTER THAN I THOUGHT I WOULD THO
> 
> Okay but mini rant: my friend and I studied with the exact same review material (same information and EVERYTHING). I got a B+ and she got a FREAKING 100%
> 
> HOW IS THAT EVEN SCIENTIFICALLY POSSIBLE? DOES MY MEMORY JUST SUCK? IS SHE EATING FREAKING HEALTHY MAGIC FOOD THAT MAKES HER LIKE 100000000 TIMES SMARTER THAN ME?
> 
> *sigh*


	10. Chapter 10

The two of you ran as fast as your legs could take you. In your desperation, you could only concentrate on the worry spreading throughout your being, terrified of what you might find once you reached the fire. You prayed that your friend was okay, that it wasn't his home. A sneaking suspicion in your gut told you otherwise.

"This way!" Jooheon called from behind you before passing you easily and darting around a corner. You followed suit, trying hard to keep up.

The sky above you was already dark, the sun letting few spare rays loose before disappearing completely. It terrified you, but not because of darkness. It was because you could see everything around you clearly, as if the sun hadn't gone at all. The fire's light illuminated the buildings you passed, creating long shadows and silhouettes. It intimidated you.

You heard the shouts of panic and mayhem as you neared. They became more distinct. You could tell that the two of you were already close. You saw people fleeing the scene out of the corner of your vision, but you didn't dare stop to ask one of them about what was going on. It was dangerous. That much was obvious.

At one point, when you and Jooheon cut through a familiar abandoned alley, the light was cut off. It left you in pitch black. Jooheon's body blocked the glow at the other end, using it to navigate. You couldn't see a thing in front of you, but you listened carefully for Jooheon's footsteps. When the two of you finally broke free of the dark, you were immediately flooded by a harsh brightness, the sudden contrast leaving you blind.

A terrible heat met your exposed skin, scorching you. You let out a yelp and bumped into Jooheon who was rubbing his irritated eyes. The awful stench of gasoline met your nose, causing you to choke on the putrid fumes. The air surrounding you was stuffy and smoke was hovering around your heads, stinging your eyes and throat. It was horrible. You felt like you were in hell.

Jooheon grabbed your hand and pulled you behind him. He didn't want to stop and he couldn't leave you behind. He debated having you stay in the cool, dark safety of the alley. However, he knew you would follow as soon as you were impatient enough to brave the atmosphere surrounding the fire.

He was just as scared and worried as you, maybe more since he's known Hyungwon for longer. He just wanted to make sure his brother was safe.

The light of the blazing inferno cast a crimson glow across your faces and against everything else surrounding it. Glass shattered nearby and rained down across the road. People ran around in various directions, frantically pulling the building's inhabitants out and away from the deadly wreckage.

Jooheon's heart broke when he spotted the familiar lanky, dark figure stumbling outside, having to be assisted by a military officer.

Before Jooheon could stop you, you ripped yourself from his shaking grip and pushed forward to pass him. He quickly grabbed your hand again and let you drag him behind you, refusing to stop. He almost tripped as he noticed the three other forms lingering on the outskirts of the chaos. Jooheon tugged at your hand and pointed over to them, offering you a confused look, but you simply shook your head. There were more important matters to deal with.

You were the first to reach Hyungwon. He was hunched over and his dark hair, damp with sweat, stuck to his forehead. Seeing him on his knees and coughing up the horrible smoke that had invaded his lungs, caused a storm of emotions to ignite behind your eyes. You didn't hesitate to reach out and help his singed form to his feet.

Your throat swelled up and you couldn't tell if it was from the smoke or if it was from getting emotional. You swallowed harshly.

"Hyungwon!" You managed to breathe out, your voice wavering. "Oh my god! What happened? Are you injured badly?"

He seemed confused at first, like he genuinely had no idea why someone would be helping and talking to him. Then his gaze softened when he recognized his two friends by his side.

"What are you doing-" Hyungwon doubled over as he violently launched into another coughing fit that shook his entire body. Jooheon quickly slung Hyungwon's arm over his shoulder before he could lose his balance, clapping him on his back to help expel some of the gas that clogged his lungs.

"Don't say anything," Jooheon instructed. You grasped onto Hyungwon's other arm, stabilizing him some more as the two of you helped him move away from the building that was still consumed in flames.

When you dragged him far enough away to be considered a safe distance, out of range of the smoke-infested air, you immediately dropped to your knees to examine Hyungwon more closely while Jooheon took it upon himself to suspiciously scrutinize the other people rushing about. Hyungwon squirmed uncomfortably despite his tiredness as you took his swollen face between your hands and scanned it. Being so close to the flames, his skin had blistered a bit, but none of it was fatal or scarring. Even though you hadn't detected any real injury, you still weren't satisfied. You licked your thumb and started wiping the dark soot and dirt from his face. He was too weak to complain and instead let your inward mother be.

Jooheon eyed him with a sympathetic grimace, but as soon as he opened his mouth to ask for answers, another loud commotion cut him off. Your head swiveled to witness the scene ensuing in front of everyone and the breath got caught in your throat upon seeing who was causing it.

Minhyuk was madly struggling against some soldiers trying to hold him back. You could tell he was wrestling against them with all of his strength, attempting to push through to reach a figure just barely a few feet away. It wasn't until he noticed he wasn't making progress that he finally just resorted to shouting.

The three of you could hardly hear anything over the crackling sound of the fire, but Hyungwon tugged your arm slightly to gain your attention.

"It's my dad," he rasped. "Minhyuk is upset at my dad."

It suddenly made sense. Your eyes drifted over to the other two figures Jooheon had pointed out when you arrived. Changkyun and Wonho. They stood completely frozen, not stopping Minhyuk, but not helping him either. They didn't even look in your direction, only staring at the fire with a mixture of guilt and solemnity written across their faces. _What did they do?_

You were about to help Hyungwon up again feeling as though Hyungwon should hear what was going on between his friend and his father, but the noise level had decreased dramatically within the span of only a few seconds. You all could listen to the words being exchanged quite clearly and it helped that their voices had risen in volume as the fight got more intense.

Minhyuk wore a terrifying expression that unnerved you to the bone. His fists were clenched in rage.

"-destroying my home doesn't benefit you in any way you insufferable brat!" Hyungwon's father bellowed, his face contorted into angry impatience.

You blinked against the hazy air, completely taken aback with shock. _So it was Minhyuk who caused this? Why?_ Hyungwon, hit with the news as well, reached up from his sitting position and grasped your hand. You gave it a quick, comforting squeeze.

"It's enough to gain your attention!" Minhyuk noted harshly, observing for any changes in the older man's false facade.

He straightened his posture, the muscles in his jaw clenching. "The only reason I'm not going to press charges against you," he scoffed, jabbing an accusing finger in the blonde's face. "Is because you're friends with my son-"

"The only reason you're not pressing charges against me is because you don't want to look like this affected you in any way!" Minhyuk objected. "You couldn't care less about Hyungwon! You have no right-"

"You speak nonsense-" The man sputtered, caught off guard.

"YOU BEAT HIM!" Minhyuk shrieked, his composure breaking down from the tsunami of emotions that hit him all at once. Tears were streaking down his cheeks, gleaming in the firelight. Your breathing stopped. "HOW COULD YOU EVEN THINK OF DOING SOMETHING SO HORRIBLE TO YOUR OWN FAMILY?"

You felt like your soul had been ripped from your body when you heard those words. The color drained from your face and your (E/C) eyes widened. _He lied. He said Hyungwon was fine_... Slowly, you rounded to give Hyungwon a hurt look. His tearful brown eyes reluctantly met yours, overflowing with guilt.

"You..." the words caught in your throat. "You promised... you said..."

"I know," he choked out, cutting you off from making the pain in his heart deeper than it already was. "I didn't want you to worry."

"So it's true? He hurt you?"

Hyungwon's only response was to hang his head in shame, giving you all the answers you needed. Jooheon was watching the two of you in silence, his expression unreadable. Then all the attention returned to the argument, distracting you momentarily as Minhyuk spoke up one more time.

"The least you could do... if you care at all... is cure Shownu's grandfather."

All three of you standing to the side immediately tensed. Neither you nor Jooheon recalled Shownu ever telling anyone else about what had been going on. Granted, you've only known for about a day at most yourself... it's been an eventful couple of days, that's for sure.

Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion as you remembered Minhyuk sending you to be with Shownu. _He must have known about it then. There's no other explanation. A better question is_ how _does he know?_ _Did Shownu tell him?_ Even Hyungwon looked panicked. You shot a glance at Changkyun and Wonho, but they looked extremely lost which proved that they had known nothing about it. You could only imagine all of the questions swirling through their brains.

Hyungwon's father tensed when he heard the request. "I can't do that."

"And why not?" Minhyuk snarled impatiently, his eyes narrowed to the point of almost disappearing. If looks could kill then the doctor wouldn't even have a head at this point.

"Because his grandfather's condition is severe. It requires an expensive medication that even I can't get my hands on, let alone him. I'm sorry, but he's not going to survive. Even lasting until the end of the week would be pushing his luck."

Minhyuk started struggling in the soldiers' hold all over again, refusing to believe anything that came out of the despised man's mouth. "You're lying!"

He wasn't given the chance to say much else as the men containing him were commanded to lead him away. Minhyuk wrestled against them and shouted his protests, but they didn't let him go. Hyungwon's father's eyes trailed after him, a mixture of pity and sympathy evident across his facial features. For one brief moment, you thought he was almost human. Then he straightened up when some other people approached, probably medics like him, and they escorted him away while checking him over for injuries.

You glanced in the direction of Changkyun and Wonho one more time, only managing to catch a glimpse of them slipping off in Minhyuk's direction. Obviously, they hadn't noticed you three throughout the entire episode.

A loud sob suddenly erupted from behind you, causing you to finally tear your gaze away from where the two boys had been previously standing. Hyungwon had collapsed to his knees, hugging his arms to his stomach as tears dripped down his red face. Jooheon tried pulling him up, but to no avail. The boy remained on the ground, his entire body trembling.

"It's my fault," he whimpered. "His grandfather-"

Immediately you swooped down to your knees and cradled his face in your hands, using the back of your hand to wipe his puffy, wet cheeks. You brushed his bangs out of his face and combed your fingers through his messy, singed hair. Jooheon crouched down as well, gently rubbing Hyungwon's back.

"It's _not_ your fault," you murmured softly. "Don't ever think like that. There was absolutely nothing you could've done to prevent this. So don't you _dare_ burden yourself with the blame."

But the tears didn't stop falling. You and Jooheon kept trying to comfort him in any way you could, but you knew that no amount of consolation would be enough to calm him down. Eventually, you both gave up and just let Hyungwon cry to get it all out of his system. It was almost as if you were dealing with a child. An innocent, defeated, pitiful child of whom you could only do so much to appease.

He buried his swollen face into the crook of your neck, drenching the collar of your shirt and muttering to himself. You affectionately stroked his black locks and he draped his arms around your waist and clung to you in a weak hug. Jooheon stopped massaging Hyungwon's back and snaked his arms around the two of you, joining in the warm, tender embrace. The words Hyungwon spoke over and over again into your shoulder continuously tore at your heart, making it ache with compassion.

"It's my fault," he whispered, completely broken and grief-stricken. "It's all my fault..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if anyone was turned off by the events with Shownu that happened in the last chapter. It's just... y'know... deep themes... much serious... very angst... probably gonna be more to come... *slides away to keep writing*


	11. Chapter 11

Three days. That's how long it took before death claimed him in its merciless grasp.

He died in his sleep, swift and painless; his departure from this earth was peaceful. But Shownu didn't care. Painless or otherwise, it still ripped away the one person who played perhaps the largest role in Shownu's life, someone who could never be replaced; someone who left a huge, gaping hole in the poor boy's heart.

He felt at war with the world, with himself. He felt like the universe was purposely trying to ruin him and make him miserable. And it was working. In fact, it managed to tear him apart in such a way that it forced him to convince himself he will never truly heal.

After the incident with Hyungwon's father, it was Jooheon who explained what happened that night. He told Shownu how Minhyuk has started the fire to the building in a vain attempt to try and teach the man a lesson. He told Shownu about how they had found Hyungwon and helped him. He told Shownu how Hyungwon's father beat his only son, his family. He told Shownu about how Minhyuk had demanded the doctor heal Shownu's grandfather as compensation for his wrongs.

And he told Shownu about the response that was given.

Throughout his grandfather's harrowing journey of sickness, Shownu never once gave up the hope that he could get better. But once he knew the cure couldn't even be obtained by the one man who should have possessed it, hope disappeared completely, only leaving behind doubt.

He gently pushed open the door to his small house, flinching when the door shut too loudly behind him. Dust could be seen peacefully hovering in the air and at once point it made him sneeze. His insides crawled uncomfortably.

It was probably the most distressing thing he'd ever done, letting go. But there was only so much he could do. So he eventually caved into the harsh reality that his grandfather was going to die. He forced himself to miserably watch as the last of his kin slowly used up the remainder of his strength. He sat by his grandfather's side until he took his final breath and became still forever.

The next day, the doctor came along with some officials to check up, probably because he felt bad for what he did- or more specifically _didn't_ do. At first, Shownu refused to let them in. While he was busy grumbling at them to leave, it didn't take them long to figure out something was wrong... especially because of his swollen, wet face. It was obvious that he was crying and they knew exactly why. Due to his weakened state- he probably hadn't eaten much out of depression- they easily pushed through. They managed to remove the body against Shownu's wishes and left the boy as a crumpled, heartbroken mess.

He then left to stay with Jooheon after his friend suggested avoiding the mournful atmosphere. He was lured away after being told that it would help clear his head.

Shownu was finally back, entering the room where his grandfather once rested. It was empty, just like how Shownu felt. Empty except for the vacant medical cot stripped down to last pure white sheet and the equipment in the corner that helped keep his grandfather alive for as long as he was. The only clothes his grandfather ever owned were folded into a neat pile and placed carefully on top of the bed.

Looking around with the pain of nostalgia clear in his eyes, Shownu saw the corner of something black just barely at the edge of his vision. Slowly, he turned around to get a better look and recognized the duffel bag still stuffed with the stolen money that had been tossed aside some days earlier out of frustration. It had luckily landed right beside the door frame so that it would be hidden behind the door whenever it was opened.

Needless to say, he didn't even get a chance to use the money he stole. He didn't even bother to count it. There was no point. Now, only the feelings of guilt and regret nagged at him, eating him up. He realized that he had been desperate and wasn't thinking clearly when he planned the robbery. He wished he could return it, but that would mean he would get caught. And getting caught would mean he would have to leave behind his other family.

He froze. He didn't know what to do.

_My other family._

His friends – he forgot about them. How could he? All this time he thought he was alone. He was wrong. He had you guys. You all supported him, hell... Minhyuk started a freaking building on fire just to defend both Shownu's grandfather and Hyungwon; an incredible act of selfless kindness despite how melodramatic it was. He could have gotten into serious trouble. It was a miracle he was only let off with a warning – Wonho and Changkyun too. They helped and risked so much.

Jooheon was like a brother to him. He was with Shownu in every decision he made. He complied without question and was an amazing friend throughout all that happened. He deserved so much in return yet the only thing he wanted was Shownu's trust. Eventually, he gained it and learned everything his friend was hiding... which only made him stick by even more.

And Hyungwon. He was the first person Shownu told about his grandfather's sickness. Hyungwon vowed that he would try to help in any way he could at his father's office, but he ended up getting hurt. Shownu didn't want that. Eventually, Hyungwon resorted to stealing herbs and tools from the medical storage and lent his vast knowledge of medicine to the group. They had been successful because of him.

Changkyun, Kihyun, Jooheon, Hyungwon, Wonho, Minhyuk, (Y/N), and Shownu – they were all a family. A small, tightly knit family.

Shownu tried to let out a sigh, but it was unsuccessful, getting caught in his throat. He reluctantly picked up the heavy black bag, holding it as if it was poison at first, but then hoisting it over his shoulder. He approached the bed one more time and placed an object he had been carrying in his hand on top of the organized stack of clothing: a tiny bouquet of fresh blue flowers, their colors still vibrant... but not to Shownu. All he saw was grey.

He tossed the black duffel bag onto the bed, careful not to disturb his mini memorial on top. With a scowl, Shownu unzipped it and hastily dumped out its contents. Thousands of dollars in bills were now sitting before him in a messy pile. So much... yet everything down to the last cent was completely useless. None of it would do him much good.

His hands were now shaking from the storm of emotions rising up inside of him. His stomach tightened and thoughts kept rushing in and out of his head, too fast to comprehend completely, but confusing him all the same. His breathing became quick and ragged as well, his chest heaving. This was all too real for him. Shownu prayed inwardly that this was only a bad dream, which he would suddenly wake up to see his grandfather awake and smiling at him. But he knew it wasn't. Dreams, even the bad ones, only seem to last for minutes whereas he's been suffering for too long.

The sorrow was real.

The pain was real.

Shownu reached into a pocket in his clothes a tugged out a metal rectangle. A lighter. With a snap of his fingers, it flicked on, a single innocent flame protruding from the top. Without any hesitation, he let the lighter slip from his outstretched fingers onto the pile of money and watched as the money ignited upon impact.

Paper. That's all this was. Just... paper. So fragile and thin and small; nevertheless it held so much value. A nauseating amount.

Is this how people are? How life is? They're so fragile, so easy to break, and yet they're so valuable. So precious. The smallest things could take a life, take a person.

Death to people was like a thief to money: both money and people are loved and valued, but they can be snatched up at a moment's notice, never to be seen again.

 _That_ was the reality, a reality that Shownu was forced to live and experience for himself. He should know better than anyone. After all... he was once the thief.

He felt the stinging in his eyes and he knew for a fact that it wasn't because of the fire. However, he refused to let them fall, instead trying his hardest to just blink them away and forget about them. _I can't... if anyone, I have to prove to myself... that I'm still strong. That I can still get through this._

He was trying harder and harder to get his breathing under control, but to no avail.

Suddenly, Shownu's thoughts shifted to (Y/N). She, like him, had lost everything. She put her sorrow and bitterness about her past life aside and instead tried to start a new one with Minhyuk and the rest of the boys. She was strong. Definitely. In fact, he admired her for it. But she believed that her strength came from appearing impenetrable. She was like an empire. There was always the one empire that overruled all the rest in the world. In (Y/N)'s case, her empire was her belief in strength.

But all empires must fall at some point. The barriers will be beaten down and something else will overwhelm it and eventually stand in its place. What it is, he doesn't know. But he does know that she's wrong about the one thing she believed so desperately in.

(Y/N) had once said that crying was a form of weakness. That the only thing it did was confirm people could be broken somehow. That's why she never cried. She didn't want to be vulnerable. She didn't want to be taken advantage of. She wanted to prove herself to society by letting them know she wasn't shattered just yet. Shownu understood her and agreed with her because he thought in the same way she did for a time.

But now things are different.

_Just because I cry doesn't mean I'm not strong. It means that I'm human like everyone else and that... that's not just strength. That's bravery. I'm not scared to appear weak. Not anymore._

So he finally let the tears flow. They came fast, drenching Shownu's skin, but he didn't wipe them away. They dripped off his face and onto the floor. His breathing was still ragged, but this time he wasn't holding anything back. He let them come. He welcomed them. He felt as if a burden as large as the sky was finally lifted off his shoulders.

Then Shownu remembered the other thing he had brought with him. Slowly, he reached into his pocket once again to pull out a small vile of liquid. Its deep blue essence swished at each little movement and the glass gleamed in the firelight. He twirled it slightly between his fingers as he uncorked it and just stared at it, unsure of what he was about to do next.

_I'm sorry for all the wrongs I committed, grandfather. I'm sorry for letting you down._

He drank.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My updates might not be as frequent from now on because writer's block has finally caught up with me... *anguished sigh* 
> 
> My goal is usually to update every Friday, but it's turned into more of "I update when I want" lol which means I'll post the next part as soon as I can (which will probably not be on a Friday)


	12. Chapter 12

"I told you... I'm going to see Hyungwon."

You scowled in disbelief, shifting so that you completely blocked the front door which  unfortunately served as the only exit in the house. _Eighteen_ , you counted in your head miserably. _Eighteen times Minhyuk's left me behind to visit Hyungwon._

Minhyuk gently tried pushing past you, but you stubbornly stood your ground, refusing to let him slip by. You needed him to understand that you were upset with him and he apparently wasn't catching on. He let out an exasperated sigh and crossed his arms, giving you a frown of his own.

This had been happening ever since the fire. After all the events that occurred, you and Jooheon had tracked down one of Doctor Chae's medics and let them take over caring for your friend. Hyungwon had protested, wanting to cling to the two of you like a child to his parents, but no matter how heart wrenching the separation was, you had to see Minhyuk.

He was still in custody of the soldiers when you found him, being restrained until he was considered calm enough to handle his overwhelming emotions. Then you brought him home, almost immediately passing out as soon as you returned. However, you hadn't gotten the chance to check up on Hyungwon again earlier.

The first time you noticed something was off with Minhyuk, he had answered a question you didn't know he would have the answer to. You had asked no one in particular if Hyungwon and his father had moved, curious. Minhyuk had told you they were staying in a house not too far from their old one, but Doctor Chae was almost always gone.

Minhyuk had also told you he was running errands when you questioned him about his absences throughout the days that followed. You figured they had to do with the 'secret' medicine project so- since he didn't realize that you already knew about it- you let him go. But then you noticed that when he was gone, the disappearances were short and frequent instead of long like they used to be. You grew curious fast. You had to know what was going on.

So today, the third day, you stopped Minhyuk as he was about to leave. It was a lucky chance, especially since he always managed to slide out without being noticed.

He huffed and blew a few strands of his pale blonde hair out of his dark brown eyes. "Are you stopping me because you _don't_ want me to visit him? I'm flattered by the attention, but (Y/N)... he's been though a lot. And as much as I want to stay here to keep you company, I have to take care of him too-"

Your (E/C) eyes narrowed and your knuckles were starting to turn white as you grasped the door frame tighter in frustration. "That's not what I meant so stop trying to guilt-trip me."

Minhyuk didn't respond with words, instead feigning a sarcastic look of innocence that said: _'Guilt-trip? Me? I would never'_ and then scoffed. He reached out suddenly to try and move you out of the way, but you instinctively dodged his hand.

"Why won't you let me go?" The boy whined, withdrawing. "It's almost like you're holding me hostage."

You took a deep breath. He's not leaving without answering your questions and he can't slip through your fingers no matter how hard he tries to weasel out of it. "You always leave me behind," All the thoughts that had been clawing at you for the past few days immediately began to spill out of you like a river now that you had the chance to talk to him. " _Every. Single. Time._ You also try to leave without me noticing. Are you avoiding me? Are you trying to keep me from seeing _our_ friend? Minhyuk, you're not the only one who cares and this isn't about you. I have to see him too. I have to make sure he's alright-"

Minhyuk interrupted your small rant with a wave of his hand. You thought you caught a glimpse of desperation in his eyes as he said, "I promise. Everything's fine. Stop worrying."

You grew quiet and your stomach fell. _That's exactly what he told me last time. I ended up being in the dark about everything. I had to learn the truth for myself._ Apparently, Minhyuk was still trying to keep your knowledge about what was truly going on at a minimum. You shook your head, determined to show him that he had lost your trust. "I'm sorry, but I can't rely on your word alone."

You watched as his expression shifted from anxious to hurt after hearing your words. You eased up when you saw Minhyuk's shoulders sag slightly in defeat, hope that he would explain rising in your chest. But unbeknownst to you, he didn't have the time to engage in a heart-to-heart with you right now. He was needed elsewhere and he was getting desperate.

A highly unpleasant look flashed in Minhyuk's eyes as he took a daring step towards you. On instinct, you flinched and the hope died as you realized he wasn't going to give you the explanations you clearly deserved.

Another step. Minhyuk knew you were uncomfortable. Of course you were. He usually possesses a positive, friendly personality; also what he uses to survive in this cruel world. But seeing him take up this cold, frigid demeanor unnerved you beyond words. It was enough to make your normally stubborn form shrink back in silent fear as he boldly continued forward.

Minhyuk didn't stop when he reached you, but you felt as though couldn't do anything. You were frozen, confused and unsure. Even your eyes remained staring straight in front of you to avoid the intensity of his glare. You instead studied his slow movements without directly focusing on him, but this proved to be difficult especially since you couldn't tell what he was thinking to begin with.

Your body jumped a bit, your left shoulder pressed into his right arm as Minhyuk moved to try and pass, but you still barred the door. That was when he finally stopped. He tilted his head to look at you, his breath lightly brushing across your face. You refused to meet his gaze, knowing full well that the situation would turn awkward within seconds. You thought you felt his nose skim your cheek, but you quickly shoved that thought aside in denial. You didn't need to see yourself to know that your skin was flushed pink.

Allowing the smallest, softest smile to tug at the corner of his lips, Minhyuk gave your left side a gentle push and you moved sluggishly to the right of the doorway without complaint. He watched you quietly shift your eyes to the splintered floor and he pursed his lips, the smile gone instantly. He scanned you once over with concern and then turned to leave.

"I'm seeing our friend," he let out in a low voice. "You _will_ stay behind. You _have_ to stay safe. We don't need any more pain. None of us do."

And without waiting for an answer, he left.

You didn't even so much as glance out the door before you slammed it shut with such force that it made dust rained down from the ceiling.

"The hell?!" You fumed, your teeth clenched in annoyance. "That stupid... idiotic... sick... perverted..." A long string of curses immediately followed and with every word, you swung your balled fist in a different direction.

How? How did he manage to squeeze out of this? The frustration you were feeling at the moment was unimaginable. You had him in your grasp and he got away. Now... now...

Your back straightened and you froze in thought. Now's your chance. Now you could follow him. Now you could go see Hyungwon and learn for yourself what Minhyuk was hiding.

A sly smirk found its way to your lips. You don't have to listen to Minhyuk anyways. He wasn't your boss or anything so you don't have to do everything he says. _He's your superior,_ a voice in your head scolded. _You should be heeding out of respect._

"No he's not. Not anymore," you hissed to yourself. "He lost my respect when he lied."

You swiftly yanked the door open, scrambling down the cracked steps and into the somewhat crowded road. You immediately took off in the familiar direction of your friend's street, praying that you wouldn't run into Minhyuk on your way there.

*  *  *

He was telling the truth, you'll give him that.

You had just turned the corner and ducked behind a building upon spotting the ball of fluffy pale-blonde hair, inwardly screaming to yourself to be more careful. You crouched, carefully observing your friend as he seemed to be knocking hard on the door of an unknown house.

"Hyungwon!" You heard him call out. "Open the door please. It's Minhyuk."

The only response his words received was silence. Minhyuk sighed loudly and then pounded his fist on the door, hoping that someone inside would hear. You took this chance to creep a bit closer without getting caught. When Minhyuk turned slightly in your direction, you dove behind the house right next to Hyungwon's.

"I'm not joking around," Minhyuk called out again, desperation seeping into his voice. "Open the door. You've turned me away the other times and I left without question, but I will force my way inside if it comes to that. You're my friend and I won't stop until I know you're alright. So please, please, _please_ just open the door."

No answer. You both were worried, but there was nothing you could do until Minhyuk either leaves or goes inside. Luckily, you didn't have to wait long. Minhyuk hammered his fist against it one last time before twisting the handle to open it. When he realized he was locked out, he took a step back then slammed his shoulder into the hard wood. With a deafening crack, the door caved and swung open.

You flinched at the sound and watched your blonde friend as he disappeared through the entrance. Quickly and quietly, you followed suit. When you reached the door, you noticed that the metal lock was snapped and the wood surrounding it was broken too. You spun around to make sure no one was looking, then snuck into the house behind Minhyuk.

There wasn't much to say about the place besides that it was obviously run down. It was still better than the one you shared with Minhyuk, but it wasn't as great as the last one the Chae's had. There were many long cracks in the marble-tiled floor, and dark scruffs against the walls. There were hardly any loose objects littering the hallway you were walking in.

You carefully surveyed each room you passed searching for both Minhyuk and Hyungwon. First it was a large living room with a single couch, the fabric faded and slightly worn. You couldn't tell what the other two rooms that you looked into were meant for, but all of them seemed to be empty except for tables and chairs, maybe even a television or two.

As you turned from the doorway that you were peering through, movement caught your eye. Immediately, you spun around to scan the rest of the hallway. On the right, sunlight shone through both an open door and a window in the wall separating a lone room from the corridor. A long, unnatural shadow was also cast against the floor. You blinked, your eyes widening when you recognized the outline of a person. _Minhyuk?_

You remained frozen, staring at the dark shape before it suddenly shifted and disappeared. You listened and heard footsteps. He was moving to the opposite side of the room. Then they stopped.

Curiosity gnawed at you relentlessly. Without thinking things over, you slowly crept your way up to the entrance of the room. The shadows of the window and the door disturbingly reminded you of a prison even though you knew that it wasn't. Both had panes crisscrossing over their openings and blocking the sunlight, creating a silhouette that resembled prison bars when just looking at the floor. You shivered.

The door was still open, as if the person who came in first had forgotten to shut it. A part of you was relieved, but an uneasy feeling had settled in the pits of your stomach and you didn't know why. When you reached the door you slowly, slowly let your eyes sweep over the entire room.

First you saw Minhyuk. His brown eyes were staring straight back at you, but instead of surprise they were completely glossed over with grief. You couldn't see the tears, but since he wasn't at all shocked to see you, you figured he was trying to hold himself together for your sake. Whatever that was. Your eyes drifted further.

A pure porcelain white bathtub was centered in the small room. It was completely filled with water from what you could see. A pair of feet were dangling over the side of the tub, adorned with black, scruffy combat boots and damp, green cargo pants. You couldn't fully see the rest of the person nor identify who they were just yet. The uneasy sensation grew.

One more step.

The person was submerged underneath the cold water, stagnant. Besides their long legs, which weren't even able to fit, the top of their head covered with thick black hair was the only other thing breaking through the surface. Their face was completely under the water. Nose, mouth; completely covered.

_No..._

It hurt to think, it hurt to breath.

Your heart didn't want to believe your eyes, but nothing could change the terrible truth that had already sunk into your brain and darkened your vision, causing your whole body to go numb.

Your brother, your friend...

Hyungwon was dead.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am seriously sorry for the IMMENSELY long update. I have seriously been so busy. I'm in two plays at the same time and rehearsals are literally 30 minutes apart from each other. Thankfully though, one of the plays (school) is going to be performed next weekend so I'll have way more time to write after it's finished (well...if i don't have any writer's block that is). Thank you everyone for reading! I hope this chapter will make up for my month-long hiatus. 
> 
> And now... I AM SERIOUSLY SO SHOOK FROM THE MONSTA X COMEBACK LIKE IT WAS SO LIT HYUNGWON WAS AMAZING WONHO WAS AMAZING THE REST OF THE BEANS WERE AMAZING EVERYONE WAS HAWT AF THE DANCING WAS ON POINT THE M/V WAS WELL DONE AND THE MUSIC IS LITERALLY MY FAVORITE THING EVER LIKE I LISTEN TO THEIR ALBUM AT LEAST ONCE A DAY IT'S MY NEW RELIGION
> 
> *deep breath*
> 
> AND HYUNGWON WAS LOOKIN' PRETTY SEXY IN BLACK I WAS DYING WHY DOES HE HAVE TO BE SO PERFECT MY HUSBAND WHY U DO THIS TO MEH ASDFGHJKL *cries due to fulfilled fantasy overload*

The shock was too much. All her limbs were numb; she wouldn't be able to move even if she wanted too. Short breaths were the only sounds that escaped her lips, almost like thunder against the painful silence that shrouded the entire house.

He was gone.

Hyungwon was gone.

Everything seemed to darken around her as a heart-wrenching sob tore from her throat. She tried her hardest to hold it back, stifling her mouth with her hand, but to no avail. She suddenly stumbled forward, legs caving, and she collapsed in tears. She barely caught herself before she could hit the floor, her hands clawing at empty air until she successfully gripped the side of the tub.

Minhyuk only watched her, frozen as tears started to sting at his eyes. He didn't dare move to rub them away. He was more terrified at the fact that the girl in front of him was wailing uncontrollably, tears of her own pouring down her face like a river. He's never seen her cry. Not once.

"How?" She whispered, hoarse. "W-why?"

The 'how' was pretty obvious, but for the 'why' he had no answer. Minhyuk lowered his head, not able to bring himself to look at her. (Y/N) let out another cry and blindly searched for Hyungwon's hand within the dark water. His skin was cold to the touch, causing her to flinch when she finally grabbed hold of it.

"Please," she whispered to him as if she thought he could still hear her. She gently pressed his hand to her cheek, stroking the back of it with her thumb. Words tumbled out of her mouth, completely inaudible as she grew more and more grief-stricken.

He wasn't going to wake; it took all of her remaining rationale to willingly admit that to herself. He would never breathe anymore. His steady heartbeat would never resound in her ears ever again for the rest of her life.

By now, she was shaking uncontrollably while she felt as though she was drowning in a pool of her own emotional grief. She wanted to scream to the winds with frustration.

"He's gone," Minhyuk reminded her softly when she had calmed down somewhat. He slowly approached her side and kneeled down. He didn't want to pull this next move, but he felt it was necessary. He pried their hands apart. Almost immediately, she shook her head whispering "no" repeatedly in a low-spoken chant. Tears continued to stream down her face.

Minhyuk grabbed her before she could snatch Hyungwon's hand again and he pulled her away from the calamity. She staggered back, weakly attempting to fight her way through his strong grasp in vain. It didn't take much to keep her in his hold. He gathered her in his arms like she was weightless.

(Y/N) recoiled, ripping herself from his possession and rounding on him. With narrowed eyes and a scowl on her lips, she gave Minhyuk a shove that sent him stumbling backwards a few steps.

"You," (Y/N) snarled. "Stay away from me."

Hurt and confusion flashed behind his eyes at the harsh tone. He tried to extend his hand to her, but froze when she only created a larger distance between them. Her distrust towards him was so obvious; it practically seeped out of every pore in her body. "Why are you-?"

"Don't talk to me," she snapped and hugged her arms close to her chest. "Lies. They're all lies. I can't take anymore. I can't live like this."

So many things seemed to be wrong. Her friend wasn't supposed to die. Minhyuk wasn't supposed to keep all his secrets to himself. It was impossible not to finally let him know how betrayed she felt. If only he could have shared his problems with her. If only he could have relied on her... 

Now she could sense it.

Ever since (Y/N) lost her parents, she worked hard to build up her strength. She wanted to believe that she would never be in as much pain as she had suffered when they left. It was what kept her alive. Now she was breaking. Her empire built on appearing impenetrable was crumbling down. _She_ was crumbling down.

"You're overwhelmed," Minhyuk pressed, attempting to comfort her. "You need to calm yourself."

Frustrated, (Y/N) continuously raked her fingers through her hair and let out a steady flow of curses. She kept glancing around, looking anywhere except Minhyuk's eyes. Minhyuk fell silent as he watched her start to sway unsteadily on her feet.

"I can't," was the only understandable thing that left her lips. Her entire body trembled violently and her skin was now a few shades lighter. She was over stressing herself, Minhyuk realized, to the point of passing out. Calling her a mess would be an understatement.

Minhyuk was unsure of what to do; if he should attempt to comfort her or if he should wait for her to lose consciousness, which was bound to happen soon. Forcing himself to choose, he pushed through her boundaries and seized her wrists. She was too weak to fight him, the last of her energy drained as she finally let herself slip away and collapse in the comfort of his embrace.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled into her hair. Slowly, he ghosted the back of his hand against her forehead, brushing away the sweaty hair that stuck against her skin. As if he was burned, he flinched away upon experiencing how her skin was cold as ice, and then furrowed his brows in concern when he noticed the sweat gathering on her forehead.

With one last sound that resembled a slew of curses aimed at the boy who was keeping her from colliding with the hard ground below her, she fluttered her eyes closed right before she completely lost consciousness.

"(Y/N)?" Minhyuk shook her shoulder, fear engulfing his entire being as he panicked at her sudden episode. Lowering her to the floor swiftly and carefully, he adjusted himself so that the girl's head rested comfortably in his lap. Impatience overcame him in a tidal wave as he snatched her wrist.

 _Is she alive?_ The question circled his brain, bouncing off the walls of his skull. Without realizing it, tears of worry began to form at the corners of his eyes.

They quickly became tears of relief after he pressed his forefinger into the vein on her wrist and felt a pulse pound underneath his touch. She was still alive; her heart was still beating. _Of course she is,_ he mentally chastised himself for jumping to such extreme conclusions just moments before.

Minhyuk let out a deep sigh of relief as her skin's natural hue rapidly started to reappear, the colors flooding into her cheeks. With a small groan that served as the final proof towards her returning health, she shifted slightly in his lap, unconsciously trying to nestle deeper into the comfortable surface that was beneath her head.

A tiny amount of pink flitted across Minhyuk's cheeks for the smallest millisecond and his heart leapt in his chest when he saw that she was finally resting peacefully, the events that had drove her to this point hopefully left behind in world of reality. Then his face contorted into a frown when he remembered why she was in this state to begin with.

His head whipped around, allowing his eyes to land on the gut-wrenching image that was his best friend submerged and still; heart ceasing to beat. This is what Minhyuk came here for: to help. Earlier, he had known something horrible had happened while he was being locked out of Hyungwon's house, especially since no one was answering. It was meant to either keep his father from coming back and possibly inflicting more damage, or to keep his friends from witnessing his defeat.

Slowly, so as not to awake the girl recovering from her previous episode, Minhyuk adjusted his legs' position and carefully lifted her shoulders until she was practically being cradled in his arms.

He didn't spare the time to admire her features being at such peace before he lowered her back to the ground. He felt guilty when he realized there wasn't another comfortable surface to place her head on, but he couldn't dwell on that right now. He had to hurry if he wanted to finish before any unwanted visitors found them.

Getting to his feet was harder than Minhyuk originally expected. Almost immediately, he staggered a bit; from head rush or stress he couldn't tell. Either way, he struggled more than planned on his journey to Hyungwon's side. Only now had he finally taken the chance to really get a good view of the room besides the small portion that he had been standing in. 

There were plants everywhere. Since the room wasn't very large to begin with, the small area in front of the tub close to the hallway door- the place which (Y/N) currently rested- was probably one of the only sections sparse of greenery. Minhyuk learned that the foliage arranged messily along the walls were inconvenient as he ventured through to sit on a bench protruding from the tiled wall opposite of the doorway. A few silent curses rang inside his head as he came close to tripping, intentionally sealed away in fear that he disturbs the melancholic silence.

Angling over the side of the tub, Minhyuk let his hands dangle between his legs as he miserably examined the damp raven hair immersed beneath the smooth surface of the water. Unlike when he first arrived- shocked and upset from seeing Hyungwon dead before his eyes and his mind clouded over with millions of questions- only one thought lingered in his mind, tugging at the edges of his sanity. 

What drove his best friend- his _brother_  to such extremes?

"Why?" Minhyuk whispered, unable to control the soft tears that slid down his face while he mourned. "What happened that caused you to push yourself this far?"

Minhyuk shook his head and urged himself to continue focusing on the task at hand. But the streams of sorrow remained on his cheeks. He felt incapable of wiping them away. He outstretched his fingers and tried to touch Hyungwon's skin, jerking back when he instead hit the ice-cold barricade of water. 

Clenching his jaw, Minhyuk reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out an object. A small vile of deep blue liquid, its glass sharply reflecting the sunlight that seeped through the room's sole window. He held it in his palm delicately, like it would shatter in an instant. Eyes shifted back and forth from the motionless body to the floor as he hesitated. 

 _What if this doesn't work? Would all our efforts be for nothing?_ He couldn't help doubting his own creation; the product that he and the others spent months toiling over and perfecting. It hadn't been tested yet seeing as it was just recently finished, but Minhyuk couldn't do anything except pray that it would have the positive result they had all strived to accomplish. 

He let out one last sigh, and then tugged the tiny cork loose from the bottle. Before he could contradict himself any further, he tilted it and stared at the milky essence as it poured an opaque waterfall of dark blue. As soon as it touched, the liquid melted into the depths of the water, leaving behind almost nothing in its wake. 

Minhyuk waited for the very last drop to fall. Then it slipped from his shaking fingers, shattering against the floor and creating a mini wasteland of broken glass. Luckily none of it nicked his skin, instead bouncing off and adding to the collection of marks on his grungy leather boots. He studied the jarred pieces with wide eyes, realizing for the first time how badly his hands were trembling. No. Not just his hands. His whole body. 

Trying his best to ignore the painful cold that was biting at his flesh, Minhyuk grabbed Hyungwon's shoulders and hauled him up until he was leaning against the side of the tub; head completely above the water. It didn't change his condition, Minhyuk knew, but it made him feel slightly better by being able to see his face. 

Hyungwon's skin was completely void of color; appearing almost translucent in the fading light. Dripping black hair was plastered against his forehead. Excess water continued to trickle down the pale skin of his neck before disappearing in the soaked fabric of his black shirt. Droplets clung to his closed eyelashes, making it seem as though he fell asleep in the midst of crying. Maybe he had... in a way.

Something within the boy snapped. A split second decision was all it took for Minhyuk to stand up and step into the pool of death, ignoring the numbing sensation that was crawling up his body bit by bit. Holding his breath, he slowly inched himself lower until he was nestled into Hyungwon's side and completely engulfed by the water as well. 

 Minhyuk had so many words that were stuffed in his mouth, clogging his throat, whirring through his thoughts – so many words he wanted to say to his best friend. But he would never be able to say them, nor show him. He had missed his chance to let Hyungwon know how much he truly meant to him.

Minhyuk subconsciously scoured the icy depths as he blindly searched for Hyungwon's hand, latching on like a magnet when it was finally found.  

"I'm sorry," Minhyuk whispered against Hyungwon's temple. He couldn't tell at first, but the tears that had started to fall gently began to come down harder and harder. "I wish there was more I could've done. I've tried my hardest to protect you, but I guess it wasn't enough."

Silence. Of course.

"I don't think-" His voice cracked and wavered. He was fighting to control the mass of emotions that were growing and rising in his chest – his heart. "I don't think you realized how much we still need you when you made the decision to leave. I don't understand. Was standing up to your dad not enough proof to show you that we cared? What..."

The tears were cascading down his cheeks in harsh torrents. He swallowed thickly. "What if it was (Y/N)? What if she were the one who put herself in harm's way to protect you? Would you have still done this? Would you..?"

Full out sobbing broke from Minhyuk's throat, unable to finish the words that had struggled to pass his lips. The grip he had on Hyungwon's hand slackened slightly, but his other arm hugged the motionless body closer to his chest as he cried into his friend's damp hair.

The questions returned. Poor Minhyuk couldn't comprehend them all, getting more confused the longer he stayed and listened to his ever-growing thoughts. Hyungwon was dead. (Y/N) wasn't dead, but she was unconscious. It might not be long, however, before she joins him. Minhyuk couldn't even save one- what made him qualified to protect her too? Or anyone else, for that matter? The boy was becoming suffocated, discombobulated- thank goodness he was already lying down; otherwise he would have passed out like (Y/N) did. But the voices kept talking, talking, talking... talking and asking... they wouldn't leave him alone. 

_Too much... too much... I can't take it..._

Minhyuk was so lost in his thoughts that he nearly missed the tiny pressure on his hand. Instantly, everything quieted in his head as if some unseen force had shut all the voices off at once due to surprise.

He waited.

And he felt it again.

Every vein in Minhyuk's body froze, countering the fact that his heart started to beat wildly inside his chest. His eyes flew open, met with the sight of a darkening room and a mop of almost-dry hair that was tickling his chin. 

_Could it have worked? Is he..._

Minhyuk's reply came not even a second later.

Hyungwon clutched his hand a little tighter as a breath passed through his shivering lips.


	14. Chapter 14

Darkness.

It was all that you remembered. All that you could see.

You there was a light air to you, as if you were suspended over an infinite abyss, completely enveloped in the black that touched you from every angle. Yet you were strangely calm and at peace with yourself, as if you were finally capable of relaxing after undergoing some major stress. From what was a question you didn't have the answer to.

Finally, in the distance, you could see a speck of light. An end to the tunnel of soothing silence and calming thoughts. You started towards it, each step bringing you closer and closer to its warmth until the tranquility slowly started to melt away.

The darkness returned in a rush just as you entered what seemed to be the light's center. One second you were blinded by the brightness, the next you were thrown through the harsh transition to black and the contrast left your head spinning.

This time, it was different than before. You felt compressed with dull, aching pain all over your body. You wanted so desperately to be free of whatever trap you were in, but the second you tried to move a limb, agony like liquid fire shot up your arm. Your nerves flared and a strangled cry wanted to leave your throat. Instead, nothing came out. It was a silent scream that no one could hear - not even you.

A way you could explain your experience was drowning. Yes, you were drowning... suffocating on the pain that choked up your lungs and clouded your nasal passages; submerged in this new form of darkness that shrouded your entire body.

Then a familiar sound crept into your ear, causing you to stop struggling momentarily against the smothering black. Your ears strained to pick it up, waiting patiently as it slowly grew until its clarity rushed into your mind.

"(Y/N)."

It was Hyungwon's voice.

 _Hyungwon..?_ You whispered in your head. All of a sudden, you could picture yourself kneeling against an invisible floor and stretching your arm out. Reaching up to grasp the remnants of any sanity you had left. Reaching to grasp something that was impossible to touch. You wanted to shout so that Hyungwon could hear you; so that he could find you and pull you out of this hell. But like before, nothing would escape. _Help me! Please! I'm begging you..!_

Then you saw the body. The still, broken body that appeared before you could finish the plea that arose in your head. You opened your mouth as the first sound you've made since you woke up slipped through your lips and burned your throat.

"(Y/N)! Wake up..."

It was him; the one who died. _But how can this be?_ You slowly pushed the body over so you could get a clear view of his face. His skin was pale, yet clear as porcelain and completely free of injuries. His eyes were glassy and cold, forever staring at nothing except the continuous black of the sky.

Tears sprung in the corners of your eyes. Hyungwon? You shivered at the sudden decline of temperature as you tried to touch his cheeks - feel his warmth underneath your palms. You leaned down to let your forehead rest against his own, salty droplets falling down your face and leaving trails of despair in their wake. Closing your eyes, you whimpered _"I'm sorry"_ in your mind, frustrated that you couldn't voice your words out loud.

A tear slipped off your skin... and evaporated into the dark air before it could dampen Hyungwon's shirt beneath your hands. Then the soft fabric of his shirt instantly disappeared from your touch. Surprised, you eyes snapped open only to be greeted by the sight of absolutely nothing. No Hyungwon. No body. No anything. Just black. Your eyes widened, perplexed and terrified.

_No..._

Memories suddenly flooded your mind; painful, terrifying memories of a body graphically bruised beyond recognition and a sharp object snatching away the only thing you ever cared about in a splatter of dark red. You remembered everything down to the last brutal detail and you realized why: you were experiencing it again. Just like the day that changed your life forever, something you cherished was robbed, snatched from your possession like a thief in the night - a night that was stained with scarlet.

In your head, you could hear yourself crying, screaming, wailing... but in reality no noise was released, leaving you to hug your knees until you curled tightly into yourself. They weren't small tears, they came down in a waterfall. You didn't notice how every single drop disappeared before they could reach a floor you couldn't see.

"(Y/N)... are you awake?"

Awake? You were experiencing a nightmare. To hear him, but not see him was unbearable for you. You wanted so badly to jump up and run off to search for him, but the fear stopped you. The fear that no matter which direction you ran to, you would become more lost than you already were. The last thing you wanted was to slip deeper without finding a way back.

_Why does this have to happen to me?! Haven't I already suffered enough?_

Still, your head whipped around violently, desperately searching for the voice's source, but finding none. Then something shifted underneath your feet. You were robbed of the chance to even look down before everything dissipated and blurred together and you were thrown back.

You were falling back to the same place that you started. Though unlike feeling as if your body was merely floating, now you could feel the air whip past; painfully tearing at your skin. You could feel the gravity take its toll as you plunged farther and farther into the empty abyss and into its dark depths.

"Please wake up!"

You lurched forward, wrenched violently from your horrid dream. A strangled cough bubbled up from the back of your throat and left you sputtering. You then became aware of a cold hard surface press uncomfortably against your back, causing you to writhe uncomfortably.

For a brief moment, you were confused over why you still couldn't see anything except a fuzzy light. Panic bubbled up in your chest when the world didn't shift into a clear image after waiting a few seconds. Then you realized that your eyes were closed, lids heavy and too weak for you to open right away.

_What's happening? I don't understand..._

Your entire body was numb to the point where you couldn't tell if your limbs were moving despite all your efforts. You concentrated hard, your brain sending signals to the nerves in your arm, but there were no results. A loud gasp was heard coming from your left accompanied by the shuffling of movement.

"(Y/N)? Thank god you're awake!"

Apparently your efforts paid off. You felt a light touch on your arm, the feeling slowly returning. Unprepared for how sensitive your skin would be, you could feel all the muscles in your body stiffening with the slightest brush. The sudden tension, however, sent a wave of pain coursing throughout your body like hell-fire. You took a sharp intake of air, the intensity making you grit your teeth as you desperately prayed for everything to end.

"Can you... open your eyes?" The voice softly rang in your ears, comforting you. You slowly relaxed as you released the tension built up in your muscles. Sweet relief flowed through your veins and the pain ebbed away until you were back to the state you were in before. From there, you focused all your energy on prying your eyelids open. The action was hard, but not impossible.

White stung your vision, completely blinding until your reflexes forced you to block it all out by squeezing your eyelids shut. A small pressure brushed over your forehead as a hand tenderly stroked loose strands of hair away from your face.

"Try again," the soothing voice encouraged. "Try to keep them open."

A memory that had been hidden away temporarily in the back of your mind was yanked forth upon recognizing the owner of the voice. Surprised, your body ignored the sharp bouts of pain jabbing into your nerves and sending warnings flares telling you not to exhaust yourself. Your eyes flew open for a second time, managing to avoid shying away from the harsh light. Muscles screaming, you jerked forward so that you were sitting upright - a mistake, since all your blood immediately rushed to your head, causing you to sway dizzily. Hands hastily grabbed onto your shoulders to steady you.

Familiar hands. Gentle hands.

"Careful," he cautioned with a light laugh. "Calm down. Take your time."

So you did. The next few minutes were spent with you slowly breathing in and out, trying to steady your racing heart. The person next to you was lightly rubbing circles in your back to assist opening up your lungs and pacify your heavy breaths. Your eyes took time to adjust. After a minute or so, the brightness dulled around you until you were able to notice a blurred figure dancing across your vision.

The figure slowly shifted into focus. You almost lost your breath for a second time when you saw Hyungwon's brown eyes staring down at you.

"What?" You whispered, voice finally returning. Your brows knit in confusion as you examined his face in disbelief. "But I thought-"

"That I was dead?" A small smile graced Hyungwon's lips. "Yeah. I was."

He readjusted his crouched position so that he could sit comfortably. When he put pressure on his hand, however, he winced painfully and pulled it back to his chest, clearing his throat as if the action had never happened. You narrowed your gaze, causing Hyungwon to fidget slightly.

"I'm fine," he assured, his tone firm, but the uneasy expression he wore suggested otherwise.

It was then that you noticed how weary he appeared - from the dark rings shadowing his eyes to the weak way his body slouched forward as if he was directing the last of his energy into sitting up. Hyungwon definitely seemed as if he was barely keeping himself from collapsing against the floor. He was holding on to his consciousness by a thread.

"What happened?" You demanded, perhaps too harshly since Hyungwon's only response was to flinch away from your words. You realized your mistake instantly and softened your gaze. Slowly, to show that you acknowledged his distress, you reached out and lightly brushed your fingers against his hand that was clenched in a tight fist at his side.

He didn't move. Your heart ached.

"Please," you whispered. "Tell me. I'm confused. I thought you died-"

"And I did," Hyungwon murmured, staring at the floor with glassy eyes. "It was strange - the feeling was strange - but I knew for a fact that I was dead."

He shivered, snaking his arms around his torso and hugging himself tightly as if he were trying to comfort himself. You wanted to ask more, to extract the slightest bit of truth so that you could understand what he was trying to explain. But you couldn't pressure him because you knew that Hyungwon was sensitive at the moment. He was hurting. You had to let him reveal what happened in his own time.

"How?" Was the single word that managed to escape your lips. It was the only word you needed.

He trembled, his brown eyes widening as if he was reliving a terrifying memory. Then he reached for you, continuing to stare at the dusty floor in front of him and fingers groping the air until you allowed his blind hands to finally slip into your possession. You calmly stroked your thumb over his palm, gently tracing the veins underneath his snow white skin.

Hyungwon didn't speak at first, instead choosing to peacefully wallow in silence beneath the atmosphere created by your presence. Your tender gaze carefully studied his movements and your heart flooded with relief when you could feel the grip on your fingers slowly relax. You watched as his eyes grew red and swollen, then faded away, then started welling with tears once more. You watched as Hyungwon quickly blinked any moisture away using his thick lashes, trying hard to regain his composure.

With one last deep breath that seemed to stretch into infinity, he willed himself to meet your questioning stare. In return, you saw an ocean of emotions - too many to count - swimming behind his dark irises.

"It was bright," he sighed as if the memory was pleasant. "everything around me was pure white, not a speck of dark anywhere. And I was floating over what seemed like an infinite abyss of light. I was suspended in midair. I wasn't falling; I wasn't rising. Even if I was I don't think I'd be able to notice."

"It sounds peaceful," you offered softly.

"Yes," Hyungwon agreed with a nod. "I was hovering for what seemed like forever. Obviously it wasn't, but how long? Did time stop? Did it slow? It was long enough for me to realize that what I did to myself was a mistake. That's when it went wrong."

The grip on your hand tightened considerably, but you were too captivated by his story to notice.

"No matter how much my father and I despise each other, I am still his son. There are things that we share. Just like him, I want to heal instead of hurt. So I promised myself that I would never take a life."

A single tear slipped down his cheek, leaving behind a wet trail.

"I broke that promise twice."

All the breath from your lungs disappeared. With the last statement Hyungwon almost broke down completely. Skin turned cold and clammy under your touch, despite the anxious sweat that was accumulating on his forehead.

"I was the cause of Shownu's grandfather's death. I tried so so hard to get my father to heal him. I asked him repeatedly. I thought that if I showed I cared enough, then father would cave and help. I was wrong. I guess that the more I pestered him the more he pushed the idea away until it was too late."

Tears of your own were forming, threatening to sting your eyes and fall down your face. How the boy next to you was managing to stay calm was an utter mystery to you.

"I was guilty. How could I face my best friend knowing that my sins against him would forever shroud my conscience? The thought was one I couldn't bear. I broke my promise for a second time when I... when I killed myself."

Hyungwon swallowed harshly, his adam's apple bobbing. He didn't want to admit what had been burning him on the inside, but his eyes spoke to you before the truth even left his trembling lips.

"(Y/N)... my hands are stained red with my own blood."

Mouth pursed in a vain attempt to prevent from crying, you could only witness his face resemble that of a lost puppy's: pouting expression accompanied by deep, soulful eyes that have seen more bad in the world than good. The poor boy was breaking - his heart, his soul - he was shattered and you could see that he was torn over deciding if his resurrection was an act of grace or punishment.

"It's okay," you crooned, lacing your fingers through his soft hair. "You're okay. You're back with us now - _all of us_. Even Shownu."

Taking a shuddering breath, Hyungwon managed to rasp a degrading: "He hates me. He would rather I have stayed dead."

With a sigh, you sympathetically ran another hand through his tousled black hair, subconsciously trying to tame the strands that were sticking up like wild grass. How horrible it must be, whispered your solemn thoughts as his weakened body trembled under your touch. Being through so many struggles that eventually your mind twists into your own worst enemy.

"Don't put words like that into his mouth for him," you began. "You won't know how he feels until you talk to him. The two of you have been close for a long time. You've stayed by each others' sides throughout hardships and you'll be able to for this one."

Hyungwon wasn't looking at you, instead staring at the floor. The tears had stopped, but you could still see his swollen face and red eyes. He wasn't listening. Throwing away any pity you would have spared him, you transitioned swiftly from his side to in front of him.

"Look at me," you instructed, gaze narrowed and jaw set.

No response.

" _Look at me_ ," was the second attempt, tone harsh like you were commanding a stubborn child. It took a moment's hesitation that drew out into an eternity, but eventually his eyes shifted from the floor to your face.

This was the hard part: trying to explain how much he's loved in words when in reality the only way to truly express Hyungwon's value was through actions. He already shoved himself past the breaking point and, in turn, tried to escape from a painful weight as heavy as the sky.

"Every second of every day someone has to leave this world," you rasped. "Hyungwon, not everyone can be saved. Eventually everyone has to die in someway or another. Maybe their lives can be prolonged by tender people like you, but in time, they'll leave. Shownu won't be upset with you. He won't hate you. He knew that his grandfather's time was running short, but if you ask me he's also had a long lifetime and raised Shownu to the best of his ability. Look how Shownu turned out... a strong independent leader who cares for his friends and loves them like a family. It would hurt him more than you can imagine to see you dead too."

A slight echo.

A calming silence.

A deep breath.

"Dying is easy, but living is harder. It breaks me to see so many people give up early on in their lives even when they know that if they pushed just a bit harder, they could have made it through to the end. You're no exception, Chae Hyungwon. To die by your own hand is to give up. To live on is to show courage, proof that your willing to face obstacles and learn from mistakes. Of course you can't force anyone to change their minds or their way of thinking. I said not everyone can be saved - but I'm saving you from yourself right here, right now. You gained an opportunity that not everyone is fortunate enough to obtain: the chance to return from death's grasp. How can you say that this is a curse?"

It was amazing experience, witnessing the change overcome Hyungwon's features the longer you spoke. Not once did he interrupt to contradict. You could tell he was finally listening, absorbing every word with pitiful eyes that could sear a soul. The heart inside your chest swelled in relief, unable to believe the luck you were experiencing. Not only did he come back, but you had managed to change his thoughts. You were able to convince him that he was worth all the sacrifices your group made for his sake. Hyungwon had turned from the path of despair and instead chose to grasp onto hope.

By the time you reached the end of your rant the boy was gazing at you in awe, completely taken by your powerful words. You decided to add one last thing.

"True measure of a person's character is not based on their actions when things are going well, but how they handle adversity. Remember that."

The moment you dropped your gaze to signal that you were officially finished, Hyungwon was snatching your wrists and tugging you until you fell forward into his embrace. You blinked in surprise, bidding the moisture beneath your lashes to stay back as he clutched you close. Warm nothings fell across the back of your shirt like rain as he cried for what would hopefully be the last time.

Before you were able let yourself completely relax in his warmth, he pulled away and held you at arms length so that he could stare into your face; observe your reaction. As expected, the liquid painted over his cheeks glistened underneath the light of the moon outside.

"Too many tears," he croaked with the smallest smile tugging at the corners of his lips. His eyes shone brighter than the stars scattered amongst the night sky. "We've shed too many tears."

"I know," you choked out behind a laugh and a sob. Raising your hands, you attempted to semi-shield your face from view due to your ever-reddening skin. It was swelling under your eyes and although you have succumbed to your weeping several times already despite your life-long vows to hold it in, you were still reluctant to reveal imperfections of any sort, even to an intimate friend such as the boy sitting before you.

But Hyungwon took possession of your hands, lowering them so that he could see your face; so that he could talk to you and convey to you the sincerity in his next words.

"Thank you."

You knew that he was saved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my gOSH GUYS I'M FINALLY DONE WITH SCHOOL FOR THE SUMMER HAHAHAHHAHA I'M FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE 
> 
> ...but seriously I'm honestly sooo relieved that the school year is done with especially with all the crazy things that have been going on like graduation, the planning for next year's school play/musical, and eXaMs.
> 
> Anyways, as for this story, since I have more time on my hands I'm hopefully going to finish it soon. I don't think there's too much left, but that depends on what I plan to do with it (and I have no clue atm). 
> 
> Really quick, someone also recently asked me if I have a Tumblr account and the answer is yes haha. I'm currently in the process of posting my Monsta X fic on there. However, I actually have two smaller one-shots that I wrote earlier this year: a Mark Tuan x reader (for Valentine's Day) and a Minhyuk x reader (for my friend). If you guys are interested in reading them my account is KsmolCats and they're under my Masterlist tab. 
> 
> Once again thank you all so much for sticking with me! All your love and support makes me seriously so happy and I cannot wait to write more for you guys! I love you all! 
> 
> (≧∇≦)/
> 
> °˖✧◝(⁰▿⁰)◜✧˖°


	15. Chapter 15

The air was quiet... too quiet. The "eye of the storm" if you will.

Not that you minded, for there was always a pleasant sensation that can be gained knowing that one is in the midst of tranquility. This time was no exception, but you knew that it wouldn't last – nothing can last forever. Therefore, you reveled in the tenderness of Hyungwon's warmth, dreading the second you would have to let go. You wished the moment of peace could stretch into an eternity.

Both of you sat silently in each other's embrace until the sun was hovering high in the sky, shining brightly through the window. You moved first, shaking a sleepy Hyungwon until he finally stirred and reluctantly removed his arms from around your waist and his face from your shoulder. Finally free, you gently pushed yourself away from him and stood up. You almost instantly collapsed when realizing that your legs were numb from sitting for so long.

"Hey," Hyungwon groaned, opening his tired eyes slightly to squint against the blinding sun. He offered you a concerned grimace when you staggered a bit and his muscles tensed ready to catch you should you need it. "What are you doing?"

His bruises were nearly completely gone and all the swelling in his cheeks had reduced considerably. Now that some of his outward wounds had healed, Hyungwon's appearance had practically returned to its usual state. You couldn't help but notice how the sun's rays illuminated his face, adding to the newfound energy dancing across his eyes. An energy that you hadn't seen in so long, finally rekindled after the unjust hell he had been put through. What an amazing picture, you realized, seeing the life returning to him as if it never left to begin with.

You cleared your throat with a harsh cough, averting your gaze. "I'm just going to see where Minhyuk is."

The words weren't a complete lie, but they were enough to distract you from continuing to ponder how perfect Hyungwon's face was under the light. You had no idea of where Minhyuk would be or if he was even within the vicinity, causing your chest to tighten in longing for your friend. You didn't know why he wasn't by your side when you awoke, like you expected him to be.

The raven-haired boy furrowed his brows as he recalled what he remembered about Minhyuk's whereabouts. "He's outside. Keeping watch."

You blinked in confusion. "What?"

Hyungwon looked at the ground sheepishly and rubbed the back of his neck. "When I woke up you were unconscious so he told me to stay inside with you. He said that he was going to guard the house and make sure that no one comes in while you rest. I accidentally forgot he was out there. He's probably _still_ out there actually – you know how he is. I'm sorry I didn't tell you, but it just slipped my mind."

You let out a soft sigh and straightened up, placing a hand on his shoulder to show that you weren't bothered. "It's fine," you assured with a small smile. "I should go check on him and bring him inside. He probably wants to see me to make sure I'm-"

Suddenly the memories of what happened flooded into your mind with painful force, causing you to break off mid-sentence. You remembered everything up to the point of your passing out.

How he forcefully separated you from Hyungwon's side.

How he tried to comfort you.

How you shoved him away.

How you insisted he lost your trust.

How he held you despite all the hurt you both inflicted upon each other.

Needless to say, you felt disgusted with yourself for allowing such strong emotions overpower your rational, eventually ending in you throwing away your friendship and pinning all the blame on him when you knew that he wasn't really the only one at fault. He was only trying to protect you, keep you grounded instead of being swept away in their storm of problems that would surely end with the lot of them crashing and burning down from the reverie of their success.

"Minhyuk," you murmured, stressfully raking your fingers through your hair. You squeezed your eyes shut, cringing as you ran through your words from earlier in your head. "Oh my god, what a mess. How am I going to face him after all the terrible things I've said to him?"

If Hyungwon was confused, he didn't show it. Instead, he simply stood up and planted a hand on your shoulder – a reassuring gesture that promised support.

"I'll go with you," he offered in a helpful voice. Typical Hyungwon. You resisted a small chuckle and spared him a thankful glance. You figured he would never truly understand how painful everything had become between you and the person you've come to know as a brother, but Hyungwon's willingness to help even after all the trauma he's suffered from dealing with his own demons was honestly impressive. Your gratitude would never be enough to repay him.

Not knowing how else to respond and subconsciously eager to see Minhyuk if only to confirm that he was indeed safe, you started on your way out the door without waiting to see if Hyungwon was following behind and instead just assuming he would. You couldn't dwell on it for too long anyways as your mind was completely occupied with words and phrases, praying desperately that you'll be able to find something to say to Minhyuk when you finally see him.

As you left, you hadn't noticed the small blush that had blossomed over Hyungwon's cheeks when you smiled at him, nor the way his eyes glowed with an emotion you wouldn't have been able to recognize.

Nothing changed within the interior of the house from when you first entered. Every speck of dust, every random object was exactly how you remembered it to be, as still and silent as a lake undisturbed by even the smallest breeze. A breath of relief left your lips. Nothing happened. Everyone is safe. Although a lingering sensation of dread hovered in your mind, disturbing your thoughts and forcing you to sneak weary glances at the slightest noise, slightest movement.

The two of you hadn't even made it completely to the front door when you were greeted with a sight for sore eyes. You couldn't help to do anything except freeze in the middle of the dust-coated hallway, Hyungwon walking straight into your back and causing you both to stumble forward uncontrollably.

You fell face-first into Minhyuk's chest.

Nothing short of horror swept throughout your very being as you immediately pushed away from him, no doubt your face flushed in bright red. Slightly behind you, Hyungwon had recovered fairly easily, but couldn't help letting out an obnoxious snort of laughter when he saw your embarrassed reaction. Minhyuk broke into a slight chuckle as well, gently patting your arm to try and show that the mini accident didn't affect him at all.

Almost instantly, his expression transformed from a small, amused smile to a frown, his eyebrows laced together and his eyes appearing almost anxious as he gazed at you with even a tinge of fear mixed into his features.

For that short moment, you were confused. You had forgotten the original purpose towards your going to greet the blonde boy during your couple of seconds of momentary mishap: a truly formidable and unintentional distraction. However, finally remembering your intent caused you to self-consciously avert your eyes from his and instead focus on your grungy boots, then the wooden floorboards, then the deteriorating walls of the corridor; basically anything that wasn't Minhyuk.

You weren't expecting an apology - you knew you didn't deserve one. You weren't expecting him to forgive you either, yet your stubborn self also didn't want to be the first to apologize over the ordeal since he too made mistakes and kept secrets that rightfully provoked your rising frustration.

The musty air remained completely and utterly silent, the inhales and exhales of breathing were the only sounds resounding throughout the empty space surrounding the three of you. Hyungwon refused to make any noise to break the tension, instead choosing to watch the exchange with a strange gleam of uneasiness swimming behind his brown eyes.

A beat occurred where nothing could be heard at all – not even breathing. Then you finally summoned enough courage to meet Minhyuk's gaze, which you discovered was boring into your own like sharp daggers.

A wave of nausea swept through you, sending your stomach turning and writhing uncomfortably as you urged yourself not to look away. Even so, the heat that burned inside like a fire rushed up to greet you, and you found that you had trouble keeping yourself from fidgeting.

 _Do something;_ you challenged him through narrowed eyes. He didn't blink or move. _Yell at me, curse at me. I'm ready for anything - and everything - you'll throw at me. I deserve it._

"I'm glad you're okay," he rasped, the largest grin you've ever seen dawn his features breaking through his mask of apprehension and illuminating his entire face. Your mind short-circuited in surprise and your jaw dropped slightly as your eyes widened. Out of any of the responses you would've expected, this was definitely not one of them. Before you could even properly subdue the emotions that suddenly flooded into your senses, tears stung at your eyes.

Seconds later, your hand flew to muffle the sobs escaping from your mouth. Your face was glistening, the sun reflecting from where it entered through the cracked doorway behind Minhyuk and you couldn't find a moment to catch your breath. You trembled, control over your body feigning as it completely ignored the poor attempts to calm down.

Overwhelmed with his undeserved kindness, you leaned forward and burrowed into his embrace, your head nestled in his shoulder as you continued to sob. He carefully cradled your back, making sure to sway slightly in a relaxing manner. All the while, circles were being messaged along your back, decreasing your heart-rate immensely as his fingers worked tirelessly to ease you into a peaceful state of mind and subtly proving that he had learned immensely from his last mistake.

"Hey, hey," he cooed softly into your hair followed by a shaky palm brushing away loose strands from your tear-stricken face. "Don’t cry. Why are you crying? There’s nothing to be upset about... I’m right here."

"Why aren’t you upset?" You whispered hoarsely, voice threatening to crack any second. The tears never ceased their journey down your swollen cheeks. Your hands mindlessly reached up alongside your head that was still buried into his chest and gripped the loose fabric of his jacket tightly with angered fists. Not angry at him, however. Angry at yourself.

"I was such a terrible person to you," you whimpered like a broken puppy longing for consolation, the sound slightly muffled. "I’m not asking you to apologize because I know I don’t deserve it."

You tapered off, letting the words sink into the silence that followed. Your head rose and fell to Minhyuk's chest as you could almost sense his unease while he processed what you had said to him. Beneath your hands, his heart thundered inside of him; a sound that slowly began to comfort you as the quiet atmosphere bled from seconds to minutes.

"I won’t force you to apologize either." The sound of his voice was soft and gentle despite resounding harshly within your ears due to the sudden contrast of noise.

His muscles tensed as he tenderly grasped your shoulders and tugged you away so that he could look you in the eyes. By instinct, you lowered your head to hide your puffy cheeks and swollen eyes that were still brimming with threatening tears.

"No," he objected, wiping away the moisture gathered under your lower lashes with his thumbs. "Don't look away. You don’t need to feel ashamed for only doing what is natural."

You nodded hesitantly and met his gaze once more.

"(Y/N), you’re not the only one who made a mistake." Although you noticed the obvious bags under his eyes, they still shone with unspoken passion. "We all do and, trust me, compared to everything I’ve done and hid from you, your wrongs are hardly visible.

"I should have just told you about our plans from the beginning," he continued with a sigh of contempt, disgusted at his own words. "But I could only see you as someone who needed protecting and I thought that by not telling you, you’d be out of harm's way if we were ever caught."

You frowned, and Minhyuk shook his head. "It’s unfair, I know, but I couldn’t help it. Half of me wanted you to still be that girl who I found - someone in need of a light to shine for them through the darkness. I wanted to be that light. The other half of me knew that you possessed strength and determination beyond comparison... but I was ignorant."

You had completely melted at his confession, your mind struggling to gain control over your battling emotions. You were upset that he hadn’t believed in you enough to trust that you could stay safe without his help, but you were also relieved that he had finally admitted his own thoughts and mistakes to you. _No more secrets._ You had stopped crying, and instead stared at Minhyuk with a small smile as he let a few tears of his own slide down his pale cheeks.

After a beat, your smile grew as you leaned forward to embrace him in a hug. After all the two of you had been through together, you couldn’t bring yourself to be upset at him anymore. "No more secrets," you whispered with a breathy chuckle.

Minhyuk's arms curled around you in reciprocation and laughed tenderly. "Of course."

When you moved away and glanced back up at his face for a brief moment, his expression had already melted into a frown, his eyes serious. He gently nudged you away, but kept a firm grip on your shoulder as he started steering you with a destination in mind.

"You’re right," he interrupted immediately as you opened your mouth to question him, your eyes flashing in confusion at his sudden change in attitude. Talk about a whiplash. "This reminds me that I have something I need to discuss with you. It’s important-"

"What is it?" You demanded, your curiosity growing and excitement bubbling within your stomach. The pressure on your shoulder transitioned to your wrist as he moved to be in front of you and pulled you behind him.

"Hyungwon," Minhyuk swiftly glanced at the raven-haired boy on the other side of the corridor. "I need you for this too."

Hyungwon nodded slowly and straightened up when hearing his name after not being acknowledged for the entirety of the past conversation, but unbeknownst to his friend; his attention was instead focused on the way Minhyuk's fingers were curled around your hand.

Minhyuk turned back to you with a proud grin. You straightened attentively. "We made a plan to escape from this town. To leave." He didn’t let you respond except with wide eyes and a gasp as he continued to lead you towards someplace more private to explain further.

As the two of you passed Hyungwon to go deeper into the house for more secrecy, Minhyuk failed to notice the glare aimed in his direction. Hyungwon stayed rooted to the wooden planks of the hallway, his eyes narrowed and brows furrowed as his icy gaze followed the blonde-haired boy until he disappeared through an open doorway.

"Hyungwon!" Your voice resounded, followed by your head peeking out from behind the corner. He instantly switched to a genuine smile when he saw your face glowing from sun shining on it through a window nearby. "Are you coming?"

"Yeah," he grinned, his chocolate eyes gleaming, and made his way towards you and the conversation that would change everything he’s ever known.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I’ve been gone for a while since I’ve last updated. I’m really sorry about that guys, I’ve just been really busy and, as per usual, I hit a writer's block that I couldn’t get around for a while. 
> 
> Well I think the last official story update was in... May? June? However long it was, it was too long. I really don’t mean to take as long as I do, but I’m grateful you all stick around with me.


	16. Chapter 16

The cold air felt absolutely intolerable against his exposed skin, nipping and biting at his flesh while he tried his hardest to make his way through the never ending labyrinth of streets and alleyways. Earlier that day under the cloak of morning darkness, Changkyun had taken the liberty of informing Kihyun about the plan that had finally been finalized only weeks prior, saying that it was soon they would be putting it to action. How soon, Kihyun wasn't told, nor did he know if their plan would actually work since it was all based on luck.

After his talk with Changkyun -who disappeared insisting he prepare for their impending departure -Kihyun had traveled back to retrieve a vial of their medicinal concoction and a mini bouquet of the blue flowers. He wanted them to be prepared even though he knew that doing so was extremely risky. But by this point, everything they did was risky.

Now he could feel the wind rippling through his dingy, short sleeved shirt, the unraveled threads trailing in the breeze while he stumbled hastily over the gravel path. Kihyun's eyes watered as the air stung him and he squinted in order to keep his vision functional. Everything and anything he could think about was on his mind, rushing in and out like waves hitting a rocky shoreline. Memories, questions... and it was the fear of being caught by the military officers that kept his adrenaline spiked and his feet moving.

He hated those men with every fiber of his being. They treated people who weren't worthy enough like dirt when they demanded respect in return. It was a disgusting and vicious cycle of aggression that only ever ended in suffering for those who try to change it.

At that, one specific memory entered Kihyun's mind. One of a blindingly bright smile that rivaled the sun and of hands that held him with a love that he would never be able to experience again. The sound of his rushed footsteps tapered off as he slowly faltered in his path, heart aching in his chest and moisture starting to gather in his eyes. Halting, he leaned against the brick wall next to him, using it to both catch his breath and hold him up before his knees gave way.

It was her that he was picturing in his mind. His mother. Everything in him wished for her tender embrace and soft words. Over time, he had tried to fight the pain that built inside him and ignore the urge to think about her. Of course, after her disappearance he had to find a way to keep on living - even without her- and eventually falling into new circumstances and a new routine didn't leave much else for the brain to contemplate. He moved in with Changkyun and Wonho, who - while they weren't completely open about their pasts - had experienced similar scenarios explaining the absence of their families.

Now, she was all Kihyun could think about. When she was here, life was all smiles and laughter and warmth that helped immensely to block out the negativity drowning out everything else around them. When she was with him still, things hadn't quite gone wrong yet, but people were talking, predicting something that was about to take place. When things finally did go wrong, that was when he lost her and his world that was barely being held together by the seams finally ripped apart.

Kihyun felt terrible, his fingers curling into a fist that tightened until his knuckles turned white with the strain. His breathing went from short, ragged breaths to deep, heavy breaths as he fought his hardest to control his emotions. It was a losing battle.

"Hey! You!" A gruff voice reverberated off the deteriorating buildings, causing Kihyun to freeze, eyes wide, and his heart plummeting to his feet. Sneaking a glance behind him, he saw three officers following him into the alley looking none too happy.

On instinct, Kihyun straightened and bolted the rest of the way out of the alley, turning the corner and praying that he would be able to lose them by the time they reached the street.

He didn't get far. Unbeknownst to him, another soldier had positioned himself on the other end, prepared to strike in case Kihyun tried to escape. He only realized this at the last second when he was caught by the arm and thrown against the bricks of the building, stunning him as he let out a gasp of pain. His vision blurred for a moment, returning only to greet him with the sight of all the officials gathered around him, the leader kneeled down so that they could be face-to-face.

"Where do you think you're going, boy?" He snarled.

Kihyun laid sprawled across the ground, nursing his side that was aching from the impact of skin on stone. He refused to answer and avoided any eye contact, but the man wasn't impressed by the silence he received. Eyes narrowing into slits, he grabbed Kihyun by his arm and hauled him unwillingly to his feet. Before his body even recovered from the last hit, he was swung around and shoved harshly into the gravel street. He landed on his side once more, choking up as another bout of pain shot from his ribs to his shoulder.

"What's this?" One of the other men questioned, gaining the attention of the group and the shuffling of feet was heard as he went to retrieve what had caught his eye. Suddenly, all of them started murmuring at once.

"It's one of those flowers."

"Aren't those illegal?"

"That boy was carrying it with him!"

"I recognize him... he's one of those bastards that Doctor Chae's son is friends with."

"I've heard rumors saying that Hyungwon used those flowers to make some kind of potion."

"I've heard rumors saying that he was successful."

"Do you think this kid has any of it with him?"

"I'm certain he does," returned the voice of the leader, low and laced with venom.

Kihyun wasn't prepared. While the pain had quickly dulled into an ache, the scratches on his arms weren't a good combination with the cold air that attacked his open wounds. Everything was red and swollen to begin with, adding in the injuries would make it all worse.

Of course the man didn't care. He marched over to Kihyun with nothing short of loathing written across his features. Although the boy was in the midst of slowly trying to lift himself to his knees, the officer landed him a swift blow to the stomach with his shoe, sending him sprawling once more as if to prove that his attempts at recovering were in vain. Kihyun lost his breath, sputtering into the dirt.

"Tell me," growled the man, readying to give Kihyun another kick. The other officials gathered around their leader, mimicking his hateful stance. "Is it all true? Was your friend successful in his endeavors?"

Kihyun's protective nature flooded through on instinct, throwing forth a hoarse, but rigid: "No."

The man let slip a snort of laughter, obviously unconvinced by Kihyun's response. He swooped down and grabbed Kihyun by the collar of his shirt, spitting into his face, "I don't believe you."

"Search him," he snarled, releasing Kihyun's shirt and letting his head drop to the pavement like a rag doll. Immediately the men sprang to action, one of them holding Kihyun's arms and the other two simultaneously scouring the pockets on his pants. He didn't have the strength to fight them off, only able to defensively stiffen and await his punishment for lying.

"Found it!" A swish was heard as the vial of blue liquid was tossed from the soldier at Kihyun's side to the open palm of the leader.

"I knew it," the man sneered, gesturing for his officers to move away as he approached the boy himself. His glare looked as though it could burn anyone in its path. "So you lied... it's true after all. Hyungwon invented this."

Silence was all Kihyun was willing to give after everything he was put through, but by now his oppressor hadn't the patience to wait for an answer. The second he was in range he struck out, aiming for Kihyun's leg and ending up catching it underneath his heavy leather boot. Clenching his jaw, he pressed Kihyun's foot down harder and harder, unmercifully grinding the helpless limb into the gravel. Kihyun's reaction began with a small grimace, but it slowly morphed into a scream that bounced off the walls of the surrounding buildings as the pain became unbearable.

Torture was the best way to describe the experience. He felt as though his ankle was on the verge of snapping in two, yet he was unable to do anything to stop the sensation that was growing fast to envelop his entire leg, spreading like a wildfire.

After what seemed like an eternity the weight lifted, leaving a harsh throbbing behind that caused Kihyun to writhe uncomfortably. His throat was completely worn and sore, wheezing as his chest worked to restore his unnaturally heavy breathing to normal. Despite the cold, a thin layer of sweat had collected across his entire body and he could hear his heart pounding in his ears.

The man stepped away from Kihyun's freezing and dazed body, clearly satisfied with his handiwork. A jerk of his head and his officers reassemble around him -freshly motivated to obey after silently watching the disturbing scene in front of them.

"Find Hyungwon," The leader barked to them, spinning on his heel and marching past. "Take him into custody. He's the only useful one out of this bunch that we'll need."

The words slurred together inside Kihyun's head and the images blurred as they moved across his vision. He could only understand that they were finally leaving him and relief flooded through his veins. While he was slowly regaining his senses, however, he finally felt the cold savagely attack any part of him that was uncovered, and even clothes didn't stop it as it began to sink through the fabric until his entire body was shivering as well as aching.

He didn't know how his trembling muscles had managed, but once the soldiers were confirmed to be out of sight Kihyun somehow dragged himself away from the middle of the road, inching his way slowly until he was successfully slouched against a brick wall and out of anyone's path. Kihyun let out a sigh, his breath creating a small cloud of steam that billowed through his chapped lips, and rested his head against the stone surface behind him. He couldn't walk. He didn't know where he was due to the world almost spinning around him as if he was caught in a twister. He could hardly speak.

The only thing Kihyun could do was try to wait for the world to focus, for his pain to ebb, and for his voice to return. But how long was another question that hurt to think about.

 _When did the snow start falling?_ He questioned himself wearily as his gaze landed on the sky above him, grey clouds spread like an umbrella. White specks started to fall and gently settle on every available surface. They clung to his lashes. They attached themselves to his brown hair. They stung his arms.

Kihyun didn't know what to do nor how long he had been sitting and staring at the heavens. It had been long enough for the snow to layer everything in sight like a thick blanket.

A shadow suddenly loomed above Kihyun, jerking him out of his daze of confusion. He tensed, expecting the figure to be one of the men back again to finish him off, but it was hard to tell from his vision blurring in and out. However, the fact that he was able to wait for his eyes to adjust without being severely injured told him that whoever it was, they weren't approaching him to hurt him.

"Do you want me to take a look at your leg?"

Kihyun froze, but not from the weather. That voice was one he had grown to despise over the years and to hear it now addressing him almost with kindness- since he's only ever heard it spitting hate and shouting threats- sent shivers down his spine.

"I heard you were injured so I came as fast as I could with some crutches," the voice continued, a slight edge to it as if he was uncertain about something. Kihyun could see him rummaging around in a small pack, probably searching for supplies. His blood started to boil with anger, but he forced himself to bite his tongue and stay quiet to see what was going to happen. "I also brought along some ointment for any bleeding. I can check to make sure nothing is severely damaged internally-"

"Dr. Chae," A shaky breath slowly passed through Kihyun's lips. He was completely uncomfortable and desperately preferred death over having to talk with this man face-to-face. A small part of him was thankful for the help, but his pride surpassed his gratitude by miles. "Why are you helping me? Aren't I lower than a human for being friends with your 'oh-so-worthless' son?"

The movements stopped as the words processed in Dr. Chae's head. He was hurt and his heart broke a bit more upon the boy's words reaching his ears... mostly because he knew Kihyun was right. He squeezed his eyes shut, his hand hovering over a bundle of bandages. "I've made a huge mistake..."

"Yeah well," Kihyun spit through his teeth, cutting off the doctor's weak response. "The truth hurts, doesn't it? Took you long enough to realize." In the back of his mind, he reminded himself that he should still hold some sort of formality, but as the memories of all the times Hyungwon was hurt -either emotionally or physically- came crashing back into his mind, all respect was abandoned.

"Must've been a nasty misfortune," Dr. Chae hastily scrambled to gather up the pieces of his dignity that shattered from the harsh remarks thrown his way. He sounded shaken, which was precisely the reaction Kihyun was hoping for. He wanted this man to know that everyone knew of the brutality he had hidden behind, that he was as vulnerable as his own son, maybe more. But Dr. Chae's words cut deeper into Kihyun than he had expected them to.

"You're saying this was an accident?" Kihyun shook his head in complete disbelief before angrily meeting the doctor's eyes, colder than the winter atmosphere. "Many of your choices have led to disastrous mistakes, but you're not a fool. Out of everyone, you should know exactly what caused this."

Doctor Chae remained silent except for his breathing. With each exhale, a puff of steam rose from his lips and created a cloud that dispersed into the sky within seconds. Then he reached out again and successfully snared the crutches in his grip before shoving them into Kihyun's chest. He refused to meet the boy's eyes.

"This stays between us, got it?" The doctor's gruff voice returned, lower in octave and much harsher. He sounded more like the heartless bastard who painted black, purple, and red onto his son's face without hesitation; who turned a blind eye on the abuse performed by his own men happening every day in the streets.

"Of course... _sir_ ," the title slipped out through Kihyun's lips that curled into a grimace. His tone was merciless with intentions completely opposite from what his words were supposed to mean.

"Good." It was obvious that the doctor didn't appreciate Kihyun's mockery in the slightest. Instead, he grabbed Kihyun under his arms and hauled him up on his feet. Kihyun stumbled immediately after being released, forced to use the crutches to balance. "Then get up and get out of here before someone gets the smart idea to finish you off."

Kihyun scowled, but said nothing. Retaliation would have been pointless since Dr. Chae was already walking swiftly down the street, his bag in hand and urgency in his step. No doubt he just wanted to avoid being seen assisting a helpless street brat. What shame that would bring, Kihyun's thoughts mused sarcastically, keeping his piercing glare on the retreating man until he had disappeared completely from view.

A small nip from the winter air on his exposed flesh was finally noticed, drawing his attention to the snow that was now falling more heavily and accompanied by a strong gust of wind as well. He couldn't see the sun clearly through the clouds that shrouded its light, but he could tell that a decent amount of time had passed since his meeting with Changkyun. Too much time. He needed to get to his friends.

 _But I don't have any of the medicine_ , he stressed. _Will I have enough time to run back?_

 _You're on crutches,_ he noted in response. _You're hurt. You'd be lucky if you got to them before sundown, let alone go back again._

And with that, he pushed himself forward. He immediately gridded his teeth as the pain shot up his legs and he staggered, the crutches digging into his forearms. The pain was borderline unbearable, even with the crutches helping to take some of the pressure off of his feet.

He didn't stop.

He kept moving forward, tripping and stumbling, but never once falling. Making progress was a simple task as long as he focused his attention on the road ahead of him. Of course, it wasn't easy. Wind stung his skin and furiously whipped into his eyes, using the snowflakes as ammo. Ice made the ground slick and difficult to travel over. He was being pushed back from the pressure, but his adrenaline was enough to allow him to navigate through the streets.

 _Wait_ , he faltered slightly in his step as a thought struck him like a bolt of lightning; fast and unexpected. _When I reach them, it won't be long before we put our plan into action. We might succeed. We might... escape._

An emotion he couldn't identify tugged on his heart, confusing him as he knew he should be experiencing relief and excitement. Instead he felt... fear? Regret?

But why? Why does he feel this way? He knows enough of how corrupt this poor town truly is. Hell, everyone witnesses the abuse firsthand almost every day either by being punished themselves or by watching, terrified, from a distance. Everyone tries hard to avoid the government's wrath by tolerating the harsh conditions that they're all now forced to live. By doing so, they've chosen a painful reality.

Yet, although these thoughts circled his head, others plagued his mind as well. His mother was the one who taught him to keep moving forward and living even if the bad surpasses the good. That was definitely the case here. Although he wasn't in the least proud of what this town had become, he was still fond of it. After all, he had grown up here. He had met caring people he learned to call friends. And he had so many happy memories of his mother, her smile radiant and contagious.

But was Kihyun really hesitant about leaving because of the memories associated with this place? Or was he scared for another reason? Is he feeling abandonment? How could he feel such a thing when he has a group of friends who love and care for each other like the family he once believed he could never replace?

Maybe that was it: a part of him is still continuing to latch on to the idea that he doesn't have a real family. A part of him is still praying for his mother to come home and complete the void in his heart that was created when she left. He didn't want to stay because he loved the town, it was because he loved his mom enough to remain there until she returns.

Kihyun furrowed his brows, partially from the things circling his head and partially from a jolt of pain that shot up his leg when he unexpectedly stepped too hard with his foot. He doesn't know for sure that she'll come back to him, but he realized that something inside him has always held out hope. Now, that hope was the very emotion holding him hostage; keeping him from wholeheartedly being willing to take the chance that could potentially change his life for the better. Not only that, but the only chance he'll probably ever have.

He didn't notice that he had stopped his trek, pausing in the middle of a familiar street. The sun had started its journey back to its resting place in the west as the light already was dimming.

"I have to hurry," Kihyun muttered to no one, springing into action almost immediately. "I have to get to them before the soldiers do."

It was Hyungwon that they wanted and since Kihyun's the only other person who knows about the military's plan, he possessed the delicate responsibility of warning his friends. They were in danger no matter what, but now Hyungwon had a target on his back which means that anyone who's seen with him would be taken into custody as well. They wouldn't be safe unless they leave before the search has started.

A painful knot that tugged uncomfortably in his gut warned him that they were already too late.

By now Kihyun was practically running, almost completely oblivious to the crutches tucked under his arms as the adrenaline overpowered the agony in his feet. He moved faster and faster, his limp rapidly fading from his step. The crutches soon became an object of inconvenience instead of assistance due to their lack of use at this point. However, something in his mind convinced him to hold on despite knowing that they weighed him down.

His eyes widened slightly before they narrowed into a determined glare. _No_ , he growled inside his head. _Not anymore._

Kihyun was tired. Tired of convincing himself to hold onto something that was so toxic to him and the society he's been a part of his whole life. Tired of making excuses in order to tolerate the horrible things occurring around him. Tired of pretending his past hasn't hurt him, hasn't been a burden he's carried around all his life hoping to fix. And tired of forcing his mind to believe his mother would return when he knew deep in his heart that she wouldn't.

Kihyun's arm swung out -his fingers curled around the cold, unmerciful metal of the crutch- and he let it go. It clattered loudly against the street and Kihyun welcomed the sound to his ears as if it was a song that graced the air. Without stopping, he flung the other crutch away from him as far as it could go.

Now he was left with nothing. Nothing to weigh him down; hold him back. Nothing to lie to himself about. Nothing to say in order to keep him from fully committing to his friends when they need him most.

And they need him now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for sticking with me. I’m so terrible, I promised to work hard on the book, but I spent way too long on this chapter. This seems to be a reoccurring theme for me so I'm going to avoid giving a specific time-frame for when I finish. It might be a while yet so hang in there please. :)
> 
> Other than that, I’ve been so busy. This is my Junior year so I’m constantly prepping for the notorious SAT or submitting applications for things that could help me in the future (summer camps, scholarships, etc.) I’ve been involved in a production for the musical "Rent" which is super controversial in the area I’m living in, but the show's been doing really well and it was an amazing experience. I’m in a school play atm and also playing the role of Johanna in a local theater crew's production of "Sweeney Todd". 
> 
> Seriously I’m so busy and I definitely don’t think I’ll be updating for a long time. If I can, I’ll try, but the timing just hasn’t been ideal for me. 
> 
> Also, really quickly, I broke up with my boyfriend recently. Not super important to anything I’ve already said, but I just want to keep everyone posted on what’s happening. He’s not a bad dude. It was a mutual thing since it was long distance and just not working out. All break-ups are sad and they suck (unless the other person's a jerk... then it’s good). And this way, I can completely devote my life to the never ending worship of cute Kpop idols. 
> 
> Thank you to all readers for your amazing comments! I read them even if I don’t respond to all of them and I appreciate every one.
> 
> I love you!! <3


	17. Chapter 17

"We have to move and quickly."

Minhyuk's grip slackened considerably although his hand had seemed to become a permanent addition to your wrist. He never let go throughout the entirety of the conversation. And although you didn't have a problem with Minhyuk's protective brotherly affection, Hyungwon's stare was making you a bit uncomfortable. His big brown eyes never seemed to stop shifting from meeting your confused gaze, to Minhyuk's fingers curled your arm, down to the splintered wood of the floor, then back to your eyes again.

At one point you raised your eyebrows at him in a silent question, but his only response was to glue his eyes to the floor for the remainder of Minhyuk's talk.

"We don't know much about the towns that neighbor ours," Minhyuk explained, gesturing wildly with his free hand. His excitement was a bit overwhelming, but his movements kept your interest peaked. "Are they controlled as well? How far does the power reach? Does it even end?"

He kept going, not waiting for anyone to answer. "We don't know any of this information because they've done a damn good job keeping it from us. However, when we get out-"

"-If we get out-" you quipped as the possibility of failing flooded your mind.

Minhyuk's gaze met yours, his confidence slicing through your worry. His fingers tightened around your wrist in reassurance. "- _when_ we get out, we'll learn it ourselves. If it so happens that there's more control even outside of our small town, then we keep moving until we're either caught, dead, or outside of their control."

Your eyes flitted momentarily to Hyungwon's whose uncertainty mirrored your own. "But then how do we get out of here?"

The transition from a hopeful smile to an unsure frown on Minhyuk's face gave you the answer you needed, but dreaded. His eyes lowered a bit as he began to wrack his brain for a response; one that would sooth your worries so that you'd be convinced the best option was to go with them. Of course, you'd have gone with them no matter what - they're family after all. But even so you couldn't help feeling discomfort in knowing that his claim of having a plan was not entirely true. Your gut told you that from here on out, the lot of you would be improvising much of your escape.

"I've been charting their patrol," a familiar voice piped from behind you and interrupting your thoughts. You spun in surprise to find Wonho leaning against the door frame. Changkyun peered over his shoulder like a shadow. A faint smile graced Wonho's face as he met your wide eyes.

Wonho sauntered next to you, plopping down to speak with the rest of the gathered group. Changkyun awkwardly stepped into the light that was shed across the small room. His face was sullen and tired. You noted the dark circles under his eyes, but his expression was one of determination.

Minhyuk's tense expression eased into a small smile, clearly relieved to see that someone else had covered for his lack of knowledge on the topic.

"Okay, so we all know that the patrol never stops," Wonho began. "They're always out and about either trying to keep the citizens in or unwanted guests out. It almost seems like they never sleep. But there's a chance for us to slip through without them noticing until it's too late."

Minhyuk grinned and nodded, signaling Wonho to keep talking. Out of the corner of your eye, you noticed that Changkyun had found a spot to rest and was leaning his back against the wall. Hyungwon was still keeping his gaze glued to the floor.

Wonho matched Minhyuk's wide grin with a smirk of his own. "They switch shifts every six hours. Usually, the men are fast at getting to their post before the person before them is finished. That way, nothing can slip by them while they're changing out positions. However, there's one soldier who takes longer than the rest to get to his post so there's about a seven-minute slot of time where no one is watching. I think the ranking officers know about how this man takes his time, but they don't give him any crap about it so instead they positioned him in a spot that hardly any of the citizens even know about."

"How do _you_ know about it then?" You piped.

"Well darling," Wonho shot you a smug wink, obviously proud of their accomplishment. "Changkyun and I noticed the man sometime when we were all in the early stages of planning the escape. We realized that he was tired; more worn down than the others. He traveled slower. Then we decided to tail him. On the way we saw the soldier watching the shift before him pass by to head back to the main quarters. Ever since, we knew there was a blind spot in their patrol and focused all our attention on figuring out just how much time we had within that gap."

"So we have it?" Minhyuk shot up as if just processing the information. "A way to get out? A way to leave?"

Eyes practically glowing, he leaned forward so much in excitement that you were forced to bend back to avoid a full-out forehead collision. "When is his patrol? _Please_ tell me it's in the evening. We'll need the darkness as a cover."

Wonho blinked and opened his mouth to respond, but Changkyun answered first. "His patrol is at the tail end of twilight, just around seven."

A brief moment passed where no one spoke. Nothing could be heard except the gears turning in Minhyuk's head as he contemplated the words he would speak next. Everyone looked to him, waiting for his response, but his eyes were boring holes into the decaying planks of wood at his feet. Wonho's gaze stayed focused on Minhyuk while yours shifted to glance in Hyungwon's direction. He raised his eyebrows at you in a silent question, but all you could do was shake your head. You knew nothing more than anyone else, maybe even less. All you were able to do was follow whoever was willing to take the lead.

Suddenly, Minhyuk smiled. When he spoke, his voice was level as if he was trying to restrain himself from shouting. "We'll move tonight."

Everyone's head snapped to attention almost immediately.

"What?" You managed to squeak out.

Hyungwon's mouth gaped open, but no sound came out as if the protest got caught in his throat. Changkyun didn't say anything either, but his face was completely devoid of emotion. No one could know what he was thinking and if he was surprised at Minhyuk's suggestion, he was good at hiding it.

Wonho was the only other one to say something, but it wasn't exactly the response you were expecting. "If we're going tonight, we don't have much time before we'd have to leave. We already wasted most of the day by talking."

Minhyuk nodded in understanding before shifting to his knees. You hadn't noticed, but his hand had long since been detached from your wrist, now being used to help him to a standing position. "Then let's go."

Wonho followed Minhyuk to his feet, leaping to his feet faster than you had ever seen him move before. His hand snaked out and latched onto Minhyuk's arm, halting him on his path to the door. Minhyuk and Wonho's stares met in a battle as if daring one other to back down. Their eyes glinted dangerously in the light that you noted was starting to fade.

"If you - _we_ \- do this," Wonho warned through his teeth. "If we leave tonight, there's no coming back from this. We could escape.... Or we could die. They won't let us live if we're caught and you _know_ that."

Your eyes widened the longer you watched the exchange. You couldn't look away.

"So ask yourself..." Wonho leaned in until his nose was practically brushing Minhyuk's. His voice was low in his throat. "Are you prepared enough to risk your life and the rest of ours for a chance at freedom that might not even exist? And are you prepared to die from the consequences?"

Minhyuk's eyes remained stone cold as he glared through Wonho's challenge. The two boys stayed completely still, wallowing in the silence that followed. Painful tension in the atmosphere became thicker and thicker as Wonho's question's hung in the air unanswered. Time seemed to slow down considerably.

"I'm prepared."

Another few seconds that dragged into an eternity passed by before Wonho stepped back with a slackened grip, his hand moving to instead grasp Minhyuk's. A small, satisfied smile tugged at the corner of his lips. "We'll follow you, brother."

Minhyuk nodded, his eyes slowly parting from Wonho's to move around the room. One by one, he looked at the remaining three people who had so far been watching the exchange in silence. First Hyungwon. Then Changkyun. Neither had to speak any words, giving Minhyuk an unspoken answer that left him satisfied as he moved his gaze to yours.

He didn't even have to open his mouth; the question was as loud and clear as if he had screamed it from the top of his lungs.

_Are you ready?_

For a moment, you just wished to drown inside his brown irises; a futile attempt to escape from the pressure that was resting upon your shoulders like the sky. Then that pressure faded into nothing. You had been trapped in a living hell for too long. Although the idea of leaving so suddenly shook you to the core in nerves, to wait for a later chance would be just as risky.

Your expression eased as you lifted your chin with all the confidence you could muster.

_Of course._

Minhyuk grinned. "Perfect."

Wonho spun around to face Hyungwon and Changkyun while Minhyuk took the liberty of helping you off the floor. "Okay, first things first. We'll meet up as soon as we can, but we need to let the others know. Changkyun, you go get Kihyun. Hyungwon, you get Jooheon. I'll go get Shownu. Minhyuk and Y/N, you go back to your place and get all the supplies we can carry without holding us back. Leave now and we'll meet at the bridge."

Everyone swiftly made their way through the creaky hallways of the house until each of you had filed your way out the door and into the barren street. Almost immediately and without any sort of goodbye, Minhyuk dragged you with him as the two of you eagerly made your departure. A quick glimpse behind told you that the others had done the same. You couldn't hold back the chaos that erupted in your mind, letting the emotions bounce off the walls of your skull until a single thought burst through the hurricane.

_It's begun._

***

The two of you hadn't taken long to gather necessities, Wonho's limit of "only enough to carry" helping tremendously to minimize the amount of items needed to grab. In all, the trip had taken around half an hour at most, yet Minhyuk had hardly spared even a glance in your direction as he had instead chosen to focus all his attention on the task at hand. You didn't mind too much really... you were able to use the silence to organize your jumbled thoughts until a calm settled over the inner turmoil. However, you still wished to know exactly what the blonde boy was thinking.

This is why you couldn't help, but stare at him with a mixture of curiosity and wonder as you both made your way back to the bridge. The sunlight had faded dramatically during the small amount of time away from the others in your group. You prayed the two of you would make it back before the chance to escape was missed.

"You're not nervous, are you?" Minhyuk spoke up suddenly, wrenching you out of your thoughts. The bridge could be seen growing closer in the distance, sending a flood of relief washing through your body.

"No," was your response, though you weren't entirely sure it was the truth.

Minhyuk must have sensed the doubt in your words, but he didn't push, instead letting out a chuckle before teasing: "Then why is your heart beating so fast?"

You shot him an amused glare before aiming a light punch at his arm. With an airy laugh you quipped, "Because we've been running you, idiot."

With a smirk on his face, he kept his eyes ahead as the two of you turned one last corner, the bridge now completely visible. A group of figures were huddled underneath. One of them waved to prove you were in view as well, but they wisely kept quiet while they waited patiently for you and Minhyuk to arrive.

As the distance grew smaller and the people became more detailed, you noticed they all moved like they couldn't get comfortable; like they were distressed by something. Then you realized Kihyun was pacing vigorously in front of everyone, talking to them about something you couldn't hear quite yet. Then you realized he was limping. Badly.

Minhyuk's paced picked up beside you, indicating that he also noticed Kihyun's injury and the agitation radiating off the other members. You followed close behind so that your steps fell in with his, allowing the two of you to reach the group at the same time.

Finally within earshot, Kihyun's voice bounced off the surrounding buildings despite his poor attempt to keep quiet. Everything from his actions to the tone of his voice showed that he was clearly upset.

"...I am telling you, they are out looking for us as we speak!"

Shownu gave Kihyun a stern look. "Are you saying we shouldn't leave tonight? Do you think they know our plan?"

Kihyun threw his hands up in exasperation. "NO! They don't know our plan... All I'm saying is that the second Minhyuk and Y/N get back we need to high-tail it out of this hellhole! Trust me when I say we can't wait for darkness because at this point it won't help us!"

"Whoa, what's going on?" Minhyuk panted as he ran to Kihyun's side. "What happened to you? Are you okay-?"

" _I'm_ fine," Kihyun hissed through his teeth from pain, having accidentally stepped on his foot wrong due to surprise when the boy next to him seemed to materialize out of thin air. "But _we_ will not be if we stay here for much longer."

"Why?" Minhyuk's brows furrowed in confusion. He shot a quick glance in your direction as if you knew any more about the situation than he did, but all you could do was stare back with an equally confused gaze. "Who's looking for us?"

"It's Hyungwon," Changkyun piped up. He gestured toward the lanky boy who was currently sulking quietly against the stone wall of the bridge, head hanging limply in distress. "Kihyun had a run-in with some officers earlier today. Apparently, they know about the medicine and they know that Hyungwon's the mastermind behind it-"

Kihyun cut him off before he could finish, choosing to deliver the harrowing news himself. "They're looking for him. Only him. And I don't think anyone else is useful enough to be kept alive."

With that information, a terrified hush fell over the members. Several of them started fidgeting uncomfortably, not sure how to react. Your eyes widened as a chill slowly worked its way up your spine.

"We need to leave," Wonho stepped forward, his eyes flashing dangerously. " _Now._ "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello readers! I am back after another one of my infamously obnoxiously long hiatuses. I apologize (as per usual) for the long wait and I am also sorry if this chapter is rushed and/or short. If any of you are familiar with the Monsta X All-in music video (which I'm assuming you are lol) then I think you know whats coming. 
> 
> Shit's gonna get real.
> 
> For right now, I can't make any promises as my schedule is loaded af for the rest of the summer, but I really really want to finish this fic by the end of this year. I'm going to try to do more with it over the summer, but I have a couple of big things I need to focus on such as SAT (again cRi), my driver's test, a book that I'm illustrating for a local writer, and college applications (yay). 
> 
> Also, in a local theater production earlier this year, I worked with a dude who's directing a web series in my area/city and he cast me in it? And it's like a post-apocalyptic survival type thing? So now I basically have to attend a shit-ton of rehearsals for combat and getting into shape? That's gonna be hard since exercise is basically my worst enemy. I don't think my flub will thank me rip ¯\\_( ･ω･)_/¯
> 
> Anyways, thank you all for reading if you're still around! There's going to be about 3 more chapters so it's not finished quite yet!
> 
> I love you all!


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